


Shadows Don't Sleep

by some_mad_lunge



Series: Amongst The Quiet [2]
Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Descriptions of murder victims, Detectives, Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Persons, Private Investigators, Secrets, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-07 23:14:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17375030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/some_mad_lunge/pseuds/some_mad_lunge
Summary: DCI Robert Sugden and PI Aaron Dingle have stopped a serial killer, and found unexpected happiness, together. But the nature of their work shows them the worst in others, and themselves. As they try to solve separate cases, no longer working side-by-side, cracks start to show in their relationship.And someone is keeping secrets.(Highly recommended to read the first installment, Sounds of Silence, for background)





	1. Chapter One

Your life doesn’t flash before your eyes when you die. To be honest, Robert’s not sure who tried to sell that tale to the masses. No, right before you die all you feel is an overwhelming sense of longing; a feeling so strong it cuts through the pain. That’s saying a lot, because fuck does it hurt. Death is all wishes and regret; he’d never said what needed saying. Too scared of being hurt, of losing it all. He lost it anyway. Irony is a fickle bitch. 

He’s currently blinking back tears from the slicing pain and it’s only made worse because Robert knows if Aaron were here he’d be able to make death bearable. He’d roll his eyes at Robert and proclaim him dramatic for dying this way, in a fucking alley no less.

Robert laughs a little, feels liquid fill his mouth, tangy and metallic. Blood. It clears his mind for a second, because this taste is not what he wants his last memory to be. Also he wants Tate to stop yelling at him; can’t a guy get some peace before he croaks?

“Three minutes, Sugden! Don’t make me carry your casket.”

DCI Joseph Tate was somehow keeping a cool head and therefore keeping Robert calm at the same time. It was almost like they were friends now, not just reluctant partners. Aaron had changed a lot about Robert, opened him up to everyone, made him vulnerable. He’d hated Aaron a bit for that, but death made you forgiving.

“You’re gonna have to do me a favour, Tate.”

Tate picks that moment to push harder on Robert’s chest, his suit jacket balled up and soaked through with the blood that refused to stay in Robert’s body. Damned annoying. It makes Robert bite back a scream; he settles for a more dignified moan.

“If this is a deathbed confession you can save it. You’re too damn stubborn to die.”

Again Robert can’t help but laugh, but it turns into a cough as more blood fills his mouth. 

“I need you to tell him I was an idiot.”

“He knows that Robert; anyone that’s ever met you knows that.”

He pictures Aaron’s face and the tears he kept from shedding, by sheer force of will, as he told Robert to leave. Like a complete fool Robert had, history repeating itself. See? Nothing but regrets. But his eyes are closing and there’s a bright light. It seemed some of the rumours about death are true. 

“Stay with me, Sugden. You aren’t ruining this jacket for nothing.”

Robert hears whimpering, like someone kicked a puppy and it’s calling for its mother. He knows it’s coming from his own throat, gurgled and strained. Jesus Christ, it hurts and he can’t stop the stream of water running down his face.

“I love him, and he’s never going to know.”

He hears a buzzing, like a million bees swarming inside his head. It morphs into a soft hum, the kind Aaron would make as he ran his fingers through Robert’s hair when they’d laid sprawled on the couch, or wrapped in each other under the covers. It’s like he’s back there, with the warmth of Aaron surrounding him, tangled on the floor when they hadn’t made it all the way to a comfortable surface. The sting of carpet burn soothed by their shared laughter.

The humming gets louder, more insistent and Robert can’t help but sink into it. He had known Aaron would come to him, in the end.

DCI Robert Sugden dies with a small smile on his face.

**********

**2 Weeks Earlier**

Aaron wakes up to the chirping of his alarm and a disgruntled moan from the warm body beside him. He flings his arm out, snagging his phone and silencing it before it can pull Robert completely from his slumber. Aaron only gets as far as shoving away the blanket before arms slide around him and heat presses along his back.

“Skip it.”

Robert is always like this when they wake up, soft and needy, never wanting to leave their cocoon and certainly never a fan of Aaron’s 6:00am runs.

“I’ll make it worth your while.”

Robert’s voice is husky in his ear and the kisses he’s pressing into Aaron’s neck, along with the slight thrust of his hips, is damn tempting. That said, Aaron’s still aches from last night and he shouldn’t give in three mornings in a row. So instead he turns his head and leans back, places a small kiss on Robert’s face, half lips and half stubble.

“Some of us aren’t born with freak DNA that doesn’t require exercise. Plus I have that new client this morning, I need to be sharp.”

He squeezes Robert’s arms, who grunts his displeasure but lets Aaron go before he yanks the comforter up to his chin. Aaron loves Robert like this and once again he’s tempted to just burrow back into the warmth with his boyfriend. Instead, he runs a hand through the blond mess of hair and scratches his fingers against Robert’s scalp. He’s rewarded with a sigh.

“Wake me up for the shower.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Just like that, Robert’s snoring as Aaron moves about the room in the dark. He’s done this enough times now that he’s ready for his run in two minutes flat. Weirdly, he’s adapted quite easily to constantly having Robert in his space and getting ready for his run while the other man sleeps. He knows the darkness. Aaron side steps Robert’s shoes that are always lined up at the end of the bed. It’s a weird sort of choreography he has now, a new routine he’s had to learn. Oddly he enjoys it. Aaron stretches out in the kitchen before jogging down the stairs and out into the street. Earbuds in, he starts his usual route as music lets him zone into the rhythm of his movements.

They’d become ridiculously domestic in the 7 weeks since Aaron had labeled them a couple. Robert was keeping pretty normal hours as he finished up their case. Last week McConnell, the man who’d killed 5 people, including his wife, was declared “unfit to plead.” He’d spend what was left of his life held in a maximum security mental health facility. McConnell’s fate now final and the case officially wrapped meant one thing, Robert back into the normal case rotation. Aaron was thankful for that. Robert was nothing if not antsy when he didn’t have something to occupy his mind, or his hands. They both needed a riddle to solve, one of the things they had in common.

Aaron had let himself enjoy a few weeks of peace with no case work of his own and occasionally helping Robert type up reports late into the night. The McConnell murders had taken a lot out of him, and so had his new relationship with Robert. Aaron had needed time to find his equilibrium. They’d happened so quickly and under some extreme circumstances. Yet things had been good, really good and Aaron was happy. He liked Robert having the code to his building so he could come and go as he pleased. He liked getting pulled away from his thoughts by lips on his neck and tug on his belt. He liked the fantastic sex that somehow seemed to get better every damn time.

No, Aaron loved that part.

Aaron had quickly come to the realization that he loved Robert too. Aaron’s never felt this way before and he’s started to feel a little bit like he’s sinking. Robert fit so perfectly into this life; Robert added to it instead of taking anything away. Still, something was missing and Aaron didn’t know how to talk to his boyfriend about it. Robert might have fit into Aaron’s life but Aaron wasn’t so sure he fit into Robert’s.

Aaron had never been inside Robert’s flat; he’d never even been inside the building. He’d thought nothing of it until he realized Robert was bringing and taking clothes with him, not leaving them at Aaron’s. It seemed a silly thing to be concerned by but it still irked him for some reason. They’d not spent a night apart but why didn’t Robert want Aaron in his home?

They didn’t go out that much and if they did, it was usually the same old places. That was actually enjoyable, another routine. Robert was openly affectionate. They’d sit side by side at Homestead, Robert’s arm slung over the booth behind Aaron or hand resting on Aaron’s thigh. He was a regular now too, Pete pouring both their pints without needing more than a head nod from either of them.

They’d even gone to dinner once with Matty and his girlfriend Anna, but they were Aaron’s mates, even if Anna and Robert has hit it off immediately over their shared love of Doctor Who. But Robert never invited Aaron to meet his mates, hell Aaron didn’t even know if Robert had any.

Robert was so open with his care and his attention but not with details, not with his past or anything besides work. He never mentioned his family, Robert had only briefly stated he had a younger sister when Aaron got off the phone with his own. Liv had been yammering on about coming out to visit at the end of summer and Aaron had seen the way Robert had been watching him, a sad smile on his face. When he’d hung up the phone, Aaron had rolled his eyes and poked Robert it in the stomach.

“God, she never shuts up. Be glad you don’t have a younger sister.”

Robert had shrugged at him.

“I do actually. We don’t talk much. Do you want Thai for tea?”

That had been it. Aaron had wanted to push for more but the shadow of regret he’d seen in Robert’s eyes stopped him. He didn’t want to over reach and he didn’t want to pry. Mostly he didn’t want to be like every guy he’d ever dated, demanding what the other didn’t have to give.

Worst still his mother had found out about Robert because Matty hadn’t kept his mouth shut at the last family function, and she was banging on for an introduction. His step-dad Paddy wasn’t any help, it seemed he wanted to give Robert the once over too. 

He would bring it up eventually but they had time. He was probably making something out of nothing. This was what happened when Aaron didn’t keep his mind busy, he tried to find ways to sabotage his own happiness instead of enjoying the man who was currently warming his bed and waiting for him.

He picked up the his pace and and turned up his music.

**********

DCI Robert Sugden would give anything for someone to die right now. He wasn’t proud of that fact but he if he had to spend one more moment looking across his desk at his partner, DCI Joseph Tate, and Tate’s stupid hair he might go insane. That or commit murder himself.

Since the McConnell case was finally tied up with a neat bow and they’d filed everything away, Robert had been antsy to get going and get his hands dirty. If he had to wear a suit in the midsummer heat he at least wanted to have a reason.

“Okay, Cheryl Cole or Maggie Smith?”

“You, what?”

“Which would you pick?”

Robert raised his eyebrow and sneered.

“That’s Dame Maggie Smith to you and she’s a national treasure. I’d pick Professor McGonagall anyday.”

Tate laughed, shaking his head.

“You are such a swot.”

“One of us has to use our brains, that is if you have one under that hair.”

Tate laughed again and Robert grinned into his coffee cup as he took a sip. It was a bit surreal how well he got along with his partner since they’d caught McConnell. Two years of open hostility had slipped away into a weird camaraderie. He still thought Tate was an idiot half the time but now he was actually glad to have the man covering his back.

Nevertheless, that floppy hair would never be anything but ridiculous.

With the McConnell murders out of his mind and a few weeks of solid sleep under his belt Robert felt like a new man, energized and ready to take on the world. Or at the very least do something other than sit here for another hour or two. He reached for his phone, maybe Aaron would be able to distract him from the mundane day he was having thus far.

**R: Cheryl Cole or Maggie Smith?**

He smiled when he saw those three little dots pop up instantly, he didn’t have to wait long.

**A: Thought I made it clear in the shower this morning how gay I am.  
A: Dame Smith obviously.**

He laughed outright, shaking his head and glancing up. Tate was looking at him with a knowing smirk on his face.

“You ever going to tell me who that is?”

Robert froze for a second.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Tate scoffed at him and leaned forward in his chair.

“Please, you’re always looking at your phone like some love sick fool. I am a detective remember. Who is she?”

Robert didn’t hide his bisexuality but he was still a private person. Okay so maybe he hid it a bit, from work and...well other people. Still lying about Aaron, that didn’t feel right. He was, well he was everything wasn’t he?

“It’s a he, if you must know.”

He looked straight into Tate’s eyes, a little surprised when he saw him nod, like Robert had told him something he already knew.

“I told McGregor his gaydar was off. He owes me 20 quid.”

DCI McGregor was a good sort and openly gay. He’d also hit on Aaron once when he’d come to the station during the McConnell case. Okay, maybe not hit on but talked to him, and openly ogled him. The memory still made Robert’s skin itchy. But Robert wasn’t gay and it was important to him to clarify that, always.

“I’m bisexual actually.”

“Still counts.”

“Does it?”

Tate just smiled some more.

“It does when it puts money in my pocket. Coffee's on me if we actually get a damn call out.”

Robert sighed internally, he didn’t actually care what Tate thought but he did have to work with him. They basically would be in each other’s pockets once they got an actual mundane, run-of-the-mill murder on their hands. The shrug of Tate’s shoulder would just make life that much easier.

“Deal.”

DSU Chrissie White chose that moment to open her door and quite literally make Robert’s day.

“Sugden, Tate, you’re up.”

Tate rubbed his hands together and Robert couldn’t help but smile. They really were a pair of sick bastards.

Just 45 minutes later Robert was standing surveying their scene; an upscale townhouse in a well to do part of town. No sign of forced entry, no sign of a struggle. Just their victim, 46 year old Oswald Faust, sitting in wingback chair in front of a fireplace, glass of amber liquid on the table beside him. He looked content, arms folded on his stomach, like he’d been staring into the fire lost in thought, the remains of a contented smile on his face. All in all not the worst way to go in Robert’s opinion, except for the obvious gunshot wound to the side of his head. He’d been found by his cleaning lady when she’d let herself in that morning, they’d be talking to her shortly after they gave her some time to calm down. Faust still had his eyes open for God’s sake; that would give anyone nightmares.

If it wasn’t for the lack of a gun, Robert would almost think it was a suicide, it all looked so civilized.

“I’d say cause of death is pretty obvious but we’ll run tox screens and do a full work up to be sure. I’d place time of death between 10:00pm to 11:00pm last night.”

Vanessa Woodfield, spitfire and medical examiner extraordinaire, was writing on her metal clipboard. 

“Can we make sure we test whatever is in that glass there?”

Vanessa looked affronted at Robert’s request.

“Of course, it isn’t my first day. We just finished photographing the scene so we’ll be moving the body if you okay it.”

Robert glanced at Tate, who just nodded.

“Ta, Vanessa.”

She smiled at them and kicked the supply kit at her feet.

“Glove up, gents.”

Robert grabbed a pair but shoved them into his pocket.

“Let’s talk to the witness now, then we can get her back to the station for an official statement.”

“You want to take lead?”

Just then Robert’s phone rang in his pocket so he shook his head as he reached for it.

“You bought the coffee, it’s all you.”

Tate turned to the uniform covering the room and Robert checked his cell. He tensed when he saw the name on the caller ID. He put the phone on silent and slid it back into his pocket; he’d deal with it later.

The cleaner was middle aged, grey roots and deep laugh lines. Her face was red from crying and she was ripping the tissue she had in her hands. She looked small and helpless sitting at the dining room table, a female uniform beside her talking to her in hushed tones.

Robert let Tate lead the questioning, took notes even though they’d have her do an official statement later. Many tissues and tears later they didn’t have much, if anything at all. Oswald Faust was divorced, no children, worked in dealing rare and hard to find books. Maria Walsh had been his cleaner for two years, coming in three times a week to do chores and occasionally some grocery shopping. She didn’t have a bad word to say about the man.

“I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill Ozzie. I just can’t.”

Later they headed up to the second floor, snapping on their gloves to see what they could find. Everything was orderly, no dust or anything out of place. It was almost too clean.

It was a nice home, posh and expensive, the kind of place Robert used to dream of having for his own one day. Now he’d take Aaron’s cramped bathroom over luxury every time he was given the choice. He didn’t even like going back to his own flat anymore. It felt stale and empty; he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d slept in his own bed. Things were good between them, the kind of good that Robert didn’t believe existed until he was surrounded by it. 

He should have known it couldn’t last, and his sister’s name on his caller ID earlier proved that much. He didn’t know what he was going to do about her yet, he just needed some time to sort it in his head. Aaron and him, they’re solid but they’re still new. There were always going to be things about his life, his past, that he’s never going to want Aaron to know. Not if Robert wants to keep him, and he does, more than he thought he was capable of.

He’d never wanted anything more than he wanted Aaron, and that was saying something, because Robert had wanted a lot of things in his life. Sometimes he got them, pure tenacity and relentlessness getting him what he desired. But it always paled in the aftermath, once Robert had it, the person, the job, whatever it was, it was never as good as the chase. 

Then life dropped the greatest thing in his lap and for the first time Robert wanted to be worthy of it. The phone call just proved again how lacking he was in that department. He knew he’d changed, life hadn’t given him any choice in that matter, but how much was the question? He didn’t know.

Robert just needs more time, just enough to wrap his head around it. But first, he needs to get his head in the game and push everything else aside.

Robert was in the hall bathroom when he heard Tate shout his name. He found the other detective in the bedroom, bedside drawer open and an obvious look of disgust on his face. Tate shook his head and turned to face his partner.

“It’s always the quiet ones.”

Robert walked over and looked down at the pictures Tate had spread out on the pristinely made bed. He instantly wanted to look away but instead he forced himself to fan out the photographs. Different women, at least five from what Robert could tell, all in various sexual poses and all very clearly deceased.

“Shit.”

**********

Matty was fucking singing, again. 

“Seriously, Matty. Shut. Up.”

Two seconds later his friend’s smiling face appeared in his doorway, a cup of something steaming in his hand.

“Fancy a brew, Boss?”

“I’d fancy you stop dancing around here like you’re the lead in a musical.”

Matty just leaned against the door jam and took a sip of his drink. He wiggled his eyebrows until Aaron couldn’t help but chuckle. Matty and Aaron were an odd pair, you’d never believe they were friends with Matty’s sunny disposition and Aaron’s constant scowl. It was even more surprising how well they worked together, Matty always knowing what Aaron needed before he asked. He couldn’t imagine a better assistant, not that he’d ever let Matty know it. He was paid well enough as it was.

“Lots of reasons to be happy today, Boss. Sun is shining, we’re going to be starting a new case today…”

“Maybe.”

“...maybe starting a new case today. Anna asked me to move in with her.”

Aaron sat up straight.

“She did? Isn’t that a bit fast?”

“Not really. We’ve been friends for years. We love each other. Why pay rent for two places when we’re always together anyway?”

Aaron couldn’t deny that logic, even if he wanted to.

“Well that’s great, mate. I imagine I’ll be roped into hauling boxes.”

Matty beamed at him, the guy was so happy he was positively glowing.

“You and Robert both. Speaking of which, when are you and Robert going to pull the trigger and shack up?”

Aaron felt an instant weight in his belly, a little like panic and a little like nausea. Actually a lot like nausea.

“He owns his own place, Matty, just like I do.”

“Are you sure about that? I mean he’s always here.”

“I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”

Which wasn’t a lie per se, he’d seen the building. Picked Robert up outside it once, dropped him off, it was right to assume that Robert lived inside it.

“What’s his place like? Does he have a room for all his suits?”

It stung, a lot, that he couldn’t answer that stupid question, so he ignored it altogether.

“Right, our appointment should be here soon so how about…”

Just then the phone on Matty’s desk rang, alerting them that someone was at the door. Aaron got up, put on his game face and waited for his potential new client to walk in.

Aaron didn’t know too much about Jamie Flynn, only that her fiancée was missing and she was desperate. She’d called Aaron’s office everyday for a week until Matty took pity on her and demanded Aaron take her case, or at the very least talk to her. 

“She’s heartbroken Aaron, and the police aren’t taking her seriously.”

That was what hooked him. He didn’t know if there was anything there, or any of the actual facts, but if the uniforms couldn’t help he could try. 

He wasn’t sure what he expected of Jamie Flynn but the young, beautiful and well dressed woman the entered seemed out of place. She looked like she should be sipping a martini at some high class bar, looking down her nose at every man that dare approach her. But her eyes were puffy and red rimmed as she took them both in.

“Mr. Dingle?”

Matty looked at Aaron, who reached out his hand for a delicate shake and softened his gaze. 

“Ms. Flynn, why don’t you come through to my office.”

She smiled softly at Matty and followed the outstretched of Aaron’s arm. She sat in one of the chairs facing his desk, back straight, purse on her lap. He shut the door and sat across from her.

“Can I offer you a drink? Water? Coffee?”

She shook her head, her blonde hair falling in waves, her make up flawless.

“No. Thank you, but no.”

Aaron tried to get a read on her, she was poised but he could feel the sorrow floating off of her. She had money, and clearly so did her fiancée from the look of the rock on her finger.

“Well then Ms. Flynn, why don’t we start at the beginning?”


	2. Chapter Two

Aaron tried to remain relaxed as Jamie Flynn took her time composing herself. He could see she was fighting tears and his heart went out to her, but emotion wasn’t going to get them anywhere. Not at this stage of the game anyway.

“My fiancé, Jack Thomas, he’s missing. He’s been gone for over 10 days now. There’s no way he left me on his own accord, not without a word and no way to contact him. It’s not possible. He wouldn’t do that to me.”

Aaron wanted to tell her she’d be surprised what people were capable of, even the ones who claimed to love you, but she was having a hard enough time as it was.

“You don’t believe me.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I didn’t say that, Ms. Flynn. I don’t know anything and at this point, I don’t have an opinion one way or another.”

Aaron hoped his voice sounded kind, but resolute.

“I know Jack; we’ve been together for almost six years, engaged for two. We’re supposed to get married next month. I went away for my hen weekend and when I got home he was gone.”

Aaron pulled out his digital recorder and placed it on his desk.

“Are you comfortable with me recording this?”

“Whatever you need, Mr. Dingle.”

“So you came home and Jack was gone? What about his car? Clothes? Personal items?”

Ms. Flynn wiped at her face, perfectly painted pink nails flashing in the sunlight.

“His car is still in our garage, no clothes were taken, even his mobile phone was charging in his office. He forgets it all the time; it drives me crazy.”

Aaron took note that she was talking about her fiancé like he was still alive, which he would bet meant that if Jack Thomas was in the ground she hadn’t put him there. She didn’t look like the type to get her hands dirty anyway.

“He’d go to the store or for a walk and leave his phone behind. But he’s always been a little absent minded about those kinds of things. I never thought much of it, he always comes home.”

That piqued his interest; “always comes home” was a telling thing to say.

“Does Jack do that a lot, go out without telling you where he’s headed?”

She shook her head.

“No, nothing like that. We’re always together, have been since we met at University. We have the same friends, he doesn’t have any family as he grew up with foster parents. He got a scholarship to school, he’s very intelligent.”

Aaron pushed the box of tissues on his desk a little closer to Ms. Flynn before he asked the hard questions.

“Do you know of anyone he might owe money to? Anyone in his life that might have led him to do something he had to run from?”

“No, Mr. Dingle, of course not. He’s a hard worker. He’s a self-contractor, graphic design. Jack works from home. I don’t know a lot about it to be honest.”

She reached into her purse, pulled out a glossy photograph and slid it across the desk. It was Jamie Flynn, and who he assumed was Jack Thomas, arms intertwined, smiles on full display.

“That’s us just three months ago in Spain, we went to so many museums. Our love of art is what brought us together. I work in interiors. Jack’s always going on about how he creates art and I just display it.”

She smiled wistfully then but Aaron needed her to focus.

“Is his computer still at home? All his paperwork?”

“Yes, everything. I tried to get into his computer but it’s password protected.”

Aaron made a mental note to get that into Matty’s hands as soon as possible.

“When was the last time you spoke with him?”

Ms. Flynn was letting herself openly cry now, no longer attempting to conceal the tears or how fast they were coming.

“I called him last Saturday night, before my friends and I left the hotel. It was around 7:00pm. He was teasing me about how drunk I was already. He told me he loved me and he’d see me the next afternoon when I got home.”

“When did you contact the police and report him missing?”

“I started calling our friends when I’d been back for a few hours and hadn’t heard from him. I finally called the police the next morning. They said they’d look into it but that activity on his bank account leads them to believe he’s fine. They have to mean his business account but they wouldn’t give me any information. Our joint account hasn’t been used by anyone but me, and our savings are intact. He hasn’t touched any of it.”

Aaron took a deep breath, leveled her with his most serious look, no point in glossing over it.

“And you’re certain he just didn’t get cold feet and run?”

She shook her head.

“Money isn’t an object, Mr. Dingle. I have it. I need to find him and I need to make sure he’s alright.”

“If I take this case, Ms. Flynn, you have to prepare yourself for whatever I find. Prepare yourself for the worst case scenario, whatever that looks like. I might find out things about your fiancé that are going to be hard to hear but I won’t sugar coat it. We find out the truth and nothing less.”

She squared her shoulders and Aaron’s respect for her solidified..

“Understood.”

That was that then.

“Okay, I’m in.”

**********

27 photos.

Robert had counted as he slid them into evidence bags. 5 different women, at least from the faces he could see, and he would admit they looked dead. The question was whether or not Oswald Faust made them that way, or knew who did. The techs hadn’t even batted an eye when Robert handed them over at the scene, it made him wonder what kind of messed up shit they saw on a regular basis. 

Back in the car, Tate let Robert drive. They were headed to Faust’s ex-wife’s home, not too far from their crime scene. Those with money liked their neighborhoods with clean streets and expensive facades, who cared if you run into your ex just across the road? 

Doing a death notification was never easy and Robert prepared himself for all possible responses. Sometimes there were tears, sometimes there were screams. He’d been witness to the gamut of emotions. Once a woman burst into hysterical laughter when Robert informed her that her husband had jumped from a bridge while running from police. Shock did strange things to people.

So he should have been prepared for the indifferent stare of Oswalt Faust’s ex-wife Brenda as they sat in her front room, declining her offer of coffee but willing to sit on her silk covered chairs. She was surprisingly down to earth in her designer jeans and sweater set, but she was older than Oswald, that much was clear. Looked like their victim had been a trophy husband. She calmly sipped her tea before placing it beside an ancient copy of Jane Austen’s Persuasion and folding her hands in her lap.

She did falter for one second when they informed her that he’d been murdered, her breath hitching as she pulled at invisible lint on her jeans.

“Can you think of any reason why anyone would want to harm your ex-husband?”

She tilted her head like Tate had just asked her the most ridiculous question known to man.

“Honestly, Detectives, I can’t answer that. Our divorce was final over two years ago. I don’t know much about his life now.”

Tate glanced at him. The partners had discussed this in the car and Robert would be the one to ask the difficult question.

“Ma’am, were you aware of any criminal activity that your ex-husband was involved in during your marriage?”

She crossed her arms over her chest.

“I can only assume you are talking about Ozzie’s sexual proclivities.”

Robert hoped the surprise didn’t register on his face. 

“You found the pictures then? I can admit it was a shock for me as well. Unfortunately, it was something I couldn’t get past in our marriage. To be frank, when your husband wants you to play dead in the bedroom, it can cause issues in your relationship.”

Tate coughed at Brenda Faust’s frankness and she smiled; she seemed to enjoy making them uncomfortable or at least attempting to. Robert leaned forward over his knees and leveled her with his best “don’t bullshit me” glare.

“So you know who those women are?”

She blinked at him, her mouth rounding in surprise before her eyes lit up again.

“Oh, Detective you don’t honestly think those women are really dead do you? No, Ozzie wouldn’t hurt a fly. He paid good money for those, models willing to be photographed with pasty makeup and fake blood. When I confronted him with the photos he told me all about it, even showed me some websites. He had hoped it could be something we shared. It was not.”

Robert tried to keep the questions normal, though the subject staring them in the face didn’t make that so easy this time around.

“Did you separate amicably?”

“It was amicable as you can be when you end a marriage. Ozzie was younger than I and we had 15 good years together. The money was mine, and the prenup airtight, when he decided to end it I didn’t see the harm.”

Tate clicked his pen, drawing Brenda’s eyes to him.

“So it was Mr. Faust that ended the marriage then?”

“We were just friends in the end. Once his _preferences_ became a barrier we couldn’t overcome, he moved out of the bedroom. I still loved him of course, but love isn’t always enough is it? I was willing to remain as we were but he asked for a divorce. I thought for sure he must have found someone else but it was no longer my concern.”

“And can you tell us your whereabouts last night?”

Brenda seemed delighted at the question, that they could think her capable of murder. Robert wanted to tell her everyone was, if the right situation presented itself.

“I was at a restaurant opening for a friend of mine. I was there from 8:00pm until well past midnight. I can give you the specifics if you require.”

“That would be most helpful.”

As she gave the information to Tate, Robert studied her closely. He had to admit it, he liked the woman. She was clearly strong-willed and tough, but she had class, even if she looked down her nose a little. Robert has no concerns. Brenda Faust’s alibi would be solid, everything about the woman appeared to be just that, unshakeable. 

In its entirety she wasn’t able to give them much more information. Faust didn’t have any family and from the look of things all his friends and business dealings were online. They would have to wait until they got some evidence back. They needed his computer gone through, they needed to find out about his life because right now, other than those pictures, they had nothing to go on.

Tate was quiet on the drive back to their office, staring out the window and occasionally fiddling with the radio. Robert could handle silence but the tension was rolling off of his partner in waves.

“What you thinking, Joe?”

There was a huff beside him but he didn’t take his eyes off the road.

“How did...I mean, how does someone discover that’s their thing? Dead bodies, Sugden. I’m live and let live in most aspects of life but that…”

Tate started tapping on the window with his knuckle as Robert blinked against the bright midday sun. He really should have remembered his sunglasses.

“I honestly can’t imagine, but I have a feeling we’re going to find out.”

“Aces.”

Robert pulled into his designated parking spot but left the car running.

“Did you just say aces, Tate?”

Tate ignored his words but Robert could see the slight upturn to his lips and the tension gone from his shoulders. He climbed out of the car, spinning to lean down and talk to Robert.

“Come on Sugden, let's go see if the uniforms got anything on their canvas of the neighborhood.”

“Yeah, I’ll be up in a second, just need to make a call.”

Tate’s response was a wink before he slammed the door.

He left the car running, the AC cranked. It was hot and he could feel his shirt sticking to his back. What he wouldn’t give for a pint or an ice bath, preferably both. Pulling out his mobile he pulled up his sister’s number. Taking a deep breath he hit the call button and leaned his forehead on the cool glass of his window.

“Robert?”

“Hey Vic, you wanted to talk?”

**********

After Jamie Flynn had poured her heart out, signed the necessary paperwork and thanked him repeatedly Aaron sat at his desk and stared out the window. Matty was transcribing the recording Aaron had made of their interview so for now he just went over the facts again and again in his head.

Tomorrow, Aaron would go to their flat and look around for any clues and pick up Jack’s computer. He should put a call into his contacts to see what they had come up with during the brief police inquiry over Jack’s disappearance. It would be helpful if they’d hand over the banking information. Aaron could get it himself, but that would take time. Aaron hated wasting time, not when he could be using it doing something that was useful.

Did a 27-year-old man walk out of his life and leave it all behind? On the surface, it looked like Jack Thomas had it all. A woman who loved him, a well-paying career and a bright future. People didn’t just walk away from the things that made them happy. No, you fought for the things worth having. Jack clearly knew hard work. The man had been orphaned young and had grown up in the system. He’d earned a full ride to one of the best schools in the country. He ran his own business.

If Jack Thomas had walked away from his life it was simply because he wanted to.

Aaron felt nothing but sympathy for Jamie Flynn. You never knew what went on in other people’s relationships but she genuinely loved her fiance and appeared sincerely scared something had happened to him. Were her instincts right about Jack and her unwavering faith that he would never abandon her? Or she blind to the man she planned a future with? Love made it easy to see what you wanted to see and ignore the things that were right in front of your face.

So why did that thought make Aaron’s chest hurt?

The worst bit of it all was how much Aaron wanted the man to be truly missing. He’d seen so much pain in the faces that sat across his desk, clients desperate for something to tell them where their loved one had gone. He never relished in being the one to tell his clients that sometimes people just leave.

His mobile rang and he couldn’t stop the upturn of lips when he saw the photo that came up on his phone. It was a shot of Aaron and Robert laughing into their pints that Anna had taken the night they’d gone for dinner. She’d texted it to Aaron the next day with a bloody heart emoji. What the picture didn’t show was their intertwined hands under the table, Robert’s thumb constantly stroking against his own.

He hit speakerphone and folded his fingers behind his head.

“Hey.”

He didn’t mean for it to come out as breathy as it did.

“Hey.”

It was silent for a second and Aaron realized they’d never really spoken on the phone. They were together or they texted, he worried for a moment something might be wrong.

“So we pulled a case, 46-year-old on Bond Street, gunshot wound to the head while drinking a whiskey. No leads.”

Aaron felt awkward, something he’d never felt with Robert before. 

“The wife did it.”

“Divorced.”

Aaron scoffed at Robert’s words, when did that ever make a difference?

“Then the ex-wife did it.”

Robert’s warm laugh floated through the phone and Aaron felt it through his whole body, relaxing him.

“I’ve got a 27-year-old graphic designer who disappeared 10 days ago while his fiancee was out of town for her hen weekend. He left everything behind, including his phone and his car.”

“Think he did a runner?”

Did he? Aaron hoped he hadn’t.

“Not sure. The fiancee is convinced otherwise and I’ve got nothing but her word to go on.”

“No police involvement?”

“They supposedly looked into it briefly and declared he wasn’t missing.”

“So he did a runner.”

It was Aaron’s turn to laugh.

“We’ll see.”

There were some muffled voices on Robert’s end, Aaron couldn’t make out what was being said.

“Anyway, I called to let you know I’ll be home late, just not sure how late yet. Have tea without me, yah?”

Aaron ignored how fast his heart was suddenly beating and that wave of nausea that struck him again. 

“Want me to save you some?”

“No, I’ll get something with Tate.”

“Okay, have fun.”

One would think it was insensitive to tell his boyfriend to have a good time while working on a murder investigation, but you had to know Robert.

“Will do.”

“Bye, Robert.”

Aaron ended the call and just stared at his phone, Robert’s words running on repeat in an endless loop. 

_I’ll be home late._

**********

Robert pulled his car onto Aaron’s street just past midnight and sighed when the building came into view. His mind was exhausted but his body was still going, wired on too much caffeine and the two slices of pie he’d had with his fish and chips.

The uniforms hadn’t turned up anything when they canvassed Faust’s neighborhood. No one had heard a peep or seen anything unusual. They were waiting for CCTV footage but it would only show who exited and entered down the street, no view of Faust’s actual townhouse. Robert doubted they’d get anything useful from that route.

Faust’s computer was being looked through and they’d have something on that hopefully first thing. With all his business dealings online they were at a bit of a standstill. But initial tox screens came up clean and Vanessa had verified death was caused by a fatal brain injury. No surprise there.

They had, however, found two sets of prints on the photographs they’d discovered. One belonged to Faust and the other to an unknown. They’d checked against the cleaner Maria Walsh’s prints, taken from her just that afternoon but that would have been too easy. Even though the second set hadn't been hers, Tate and Robert agreed to question her again. They needed to know if she’d ever seen the photographs. That was not something Robert was particularly looking forward to.

They were running the prints through the system and hopefully they’d get a match but Robert was doubtful. Given the sexual nature of the photographs, Robert had to assume they belonged to someone Faust was intimate with. He couldn’t imagine Faust rubbing elbows with anyone who had their prints on file, no matter how disgusting Robert found his victim’s kink. And he did, it left a foul taste in his mouth every time he thought about it.

Robert has spent most of his evening researching Faust’s brand of fun. Necrophilia, a term most people knew but Robert learned quickly one they didn’t understand. In reality most necrophiliacs enjoyed sexual stimulus with an unconscious or unmoving partner. Only a small percentage actually wished to consummate with a corpse. It wasn’t as rare as he originally believed but still beyond taboo.

Online had a plethora of information, thank God for Google. The availability of pornographic content alone shocked even Robert to the core. They would run a cross-check on the images they had found. Even if Faust has believed them to be fake, women playing into a fantasy, that didn’t entirely mean it was true. 

Robert just couldn’t connect the mild-mannered man, with the pristine home and top-shelf whiskey, to the things he was reading online.

But if the only place Faust could find like-minded individuals was through a computer screen then their victim had opened himself up to a lot of danger. Especially if he’d let himself trust the wrong people. It was misplaced trust that ended up being the downfall of most murder victims. It continued to be the most eye-opening part of Robert’s job. 

People wanted connections so badly they were willing to overlook the signs that screamed at them to run the other way. No one was immune to that, not even Robert.

The night was still warm, the sky clear and the stars out as he punched in his access code and jogged up the stairs. Aaron had left the hall lights on for him and it made Robert smile. He’d never had someone waiting for him before.

The apartment was dark except for a small kitchen light and Robert looked into the bedroom to see Aaron out like a light with the curtains open. He striped on his way to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, noted that there was still some water in the sink. Aaron hadn’t been down for long.

He crawled into bed naked, pulling the covers down to admire the expanse of Aaron’s back before him. He was still wired so he made the most of it, pressing his mouth to Aaron’s shoulder blade. That got him a sleepy sigh and a huff of breath. He decided to speed up the proceedings by digging his teeth in gently and was rewarded with a hiss.

“Better make it quick mate, not sure when my boyfriend will show up.”

He bit down hard.

“Oi!”

He soothed the skin with his tongue before smacking Aaron sharply on his ass.

“Serves you right.”

Aaron rolled over so he was laying on his back, looking up at Robert, bathed in moonlight. It was like something out of a painting and it made his breath hitch. It knocked Robert over sometimes, how gorgeous Aaron was.

“You okay?”

Aaron’s question was followed by hands rubbing up Robert’s arms, kneading the muscles of his biceps. 

“Yeah, just a long day.”

Aaron cupped Robert’s cheek in his hand and suddenly he felt the weight of the day. Aaron always made him feel soothed and safe, and the tension just seeped out of Robert whenever Aaron touched him. 

“You sure?”

The concern was evident in those blue eyes and Robert felt guilty for a second. He pushed it aside and leaned forward instead, let his lips slide against Aaron’s once, then twice. He slid their noses together before pressing his forehead into the crook of Aaron’s neck, spread himself half over him. Warm skin to warm skin; Robert was greedy for the comfort.

“Yeah.”

He felt Aaron slip the covers up over them, let himself settle more of his weight into the mattress. Robert curled into the body beside him.

“Matty is moving in with Anna, they want us to help move some boxes next week.”

He placed a kiss to the underside of Aaron’s jaw and didn’t think anything of it.

“Sounds good.”

It was silent for a second and he felt Aaron stiffen at his words. After a beat he relaxed again, so quickly Robert almost thought he’d imagined it. Briefly he considered asking Aaron about it but Robert was warm and tired; too content in the moment to do anything but doze. The last thing he heard was Aaron’s soft hum as he fell asleep to fingertips that traced up and down his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments, I live for each one. I just don't respond because I am an awkward human. Seriously, you're all amazing.


	3. Chapter Three

Aaron didn’t get much sleep, finally giving in around 5:00am and sliding slowly out of Robert’s grasp. He decided against his run, having a quick shower and dressing quietly so not to disturb Robert and his snores. He headed down to his office, sat with a brew and watched the sun start to lighten over the horizon. 

Robert had been dead to the world all night while Aaron’s mind wouldn’t stop its constant repetition of questions and concerns around the man snuggled up beside him.

Aaron wanted to believe it was the case of Jack Thomas that was weighing heavy on his mind. That it was the missing fiancé and the determined Ms. Flynn that was making him see things that weren’t there. He wanted to believe he hadn’t seen that flash of _something_ in Robert’s eyes last night that made the weight in his stomach take hold.

Maybe it was Robert’s own investigation getting to him, making Aaron see things he just couldn’t name. It was there, whatever it was, and it had kept Aaron up all night. It left him unsettled, a question running over and over in his head.

_What are you not telling me?_

Trusting people had never come easy to Aaron Dingle; burned too many times to be any other way. With Robert it had been easy to let him in from the start, maybe too easy. Following his heart and leaping into everything head first hadn’t been something Aaron regretted, and he still didn’t. He simply had never considered how long they would last. When it came to Robert he’d never envisioned an end, maybe he should have. Maybe he needed to.

Aaron’s instinct was to look at every possible scenario, every possible outcome. He searched every single angle, seeing the things people missed and following his gut. He was never good at being unprepared, especially when his feelings were involved. It’s why he was good at his job, it was also why he’d never had a successful relationship. He knew that about himself, accepted it, maybe was even a little proud of it. He could admit he’d been through a lot and survived it, he allowed himself moments of pride in amongst the shame of it all.

Aaron was used to being the problem that couldn’t be solved. This was all new territory for him. There was something in Robert he couldn’t see and it unsettled him. And made him doubt. 

Aaron had never been good at asking for what he needed and therein laid his problem. He needed Robert to tell him what he was hiding in the shadows, pushed just out of view.

For now, he had a mystery to solve, they both did, and their jobs came first. Whatever this was would wait until Aaron could handle it, or at the very least pretend to.

It was barely 7:00am when he headed back upstairs to grab his things, deciding to head out early to Jamie Flynn’s flat and get a lay of the neighbourhood.

He left a note for Robert on the kitchen table and shut the door softly behind him. He indulged himself with a coffee from Doug’s cafe nestled on the first floor of his building. Leasing the space to Doug, the down to earth businessman, had been one of the best decisions Aaron had ever made. There had been times that an apple danish warm from the cafe oven had been the only bright spot in his day. This morning he let the older gentleman talk about his radishes, his grandchildren and the fact that yes, today was shaping up to be another beautiful sunny day. Aaron didn’t allow himself a sweet treat this time, self-punishment for missing his run for the fourth time in a week.

He turned up his music loud as he drove to the hip part of town, old buildings converted to swanky flats over niche shops and artisan bakeries. Aaron didn’t really know what gluten was but he wasn’t above eating it. 

He found the correct address and walked the block a few times as he took in the area. People were out and about now, suits heading to work, frazzled parents herding small children with brightly coloured backpacks. It was the kind of neighbourhood that felt safe and secure, like nothing bad ever happened here. Aaron knew those types of places didn’t really exist, nothing was as pristine as the facade in front of it.

Finally, he headed to the building, Jamie Flynn buzzing him in. Their flat on the fourth floor in the clean and bright building. Once he entered he noted the modern lines; everything looked like a showpiece. Other than the occasional framed photograph it seemed almost like a hotel more than a home.

Jamie appeared nervous, wringing her hands as she ushered Aaron around, finally leading him to the doorway to what she said was Jack’s office.

“This was his domain, I honestly never go in here.”

The space was a whole other world, small but packed with pieces of a life, the personality of the man himself. Bookshelves lined every wall, overflowing with everything from well-loved paperbacks to action figures Aaron had had himself as a child. There was a small filing cabinet pushed under a desk holding two screens and a rather fancy looking computer.

Aaron turned to Jamie, she looked lost as she glanced around the room.

“I’m just going to look around a bit, but I’m going to want to take his computer back to my office to see if Matty can get into it. That alright with you?”

She just nodded at him, clearly unsure of what to do with herself.

“Why don’t you make yourself some tea? I shouldn’t be very long.”

She backed out of the room slowly, like a caged animal happy for her freedom. With her gone Aaron crossed his arms and surveyed the room once again.

“Jack Thomas, tell me who you are.”

**********

Robert did not like waking up to Aaron gone. It was one thing to open his eyes and know Aaron wasn’t beside him, it was something else entirely to not find him anywhere. He was disappointed when there was no Aaron sipping a tea at the kitchen table but a hastily scrawled note instead.

_Early meeting. Have a good one._

It felt impersonal; Aaron could have woken up Robert before he left. For the first time in weeks, Robert didn’t feel like his day had started yet without a kiss or a scowl from Aaron Dingle. Then again Robert wasn’t feeling right since his brief chat with his sister the day before. He pushed that from his mind, he’d be facing all that soon enough.

He finally gave up being moody about Aaron’s disappearing act. They were both working now, no longer in each other’s pockets. In a way, this was their new normal and it would be a balancing act. Maybe life would be kind to him and let him actually have dinner with his boyfriend tonight. 

He’d barely been back at his office five minutes before he realized there was no way that was going to happen.

Tate was reading something, tapping his fingers against the desk and mumbling to himself. Robert made sure his voice was loud, hoping to break whatever spell Tate was under

“Coffee.”

Tate didn’t even look up, just stretched out his hand for the takeaway cup Robert gave him. 

“Sugden, we didn’t get a hit on the second set of prints but Priya has a preliminary report on what she found on Faust’s computer.”

Robert leaned on Tate’s desk and looked at the computer screen.

“And?”

“So far nothing to go on, but that’s just based on emails and work documents. She’s still going through his memberships to certain sites. All the printed photos were also saved on his computer with some other choice images.”

“God, there’s more?”

“A lot more. I didn’t look, I took Priya’s word for it. She said she’d call when she had more for us.”

Robert got comfortable at his own desk, loaded up his email to check out Priya Sharma’s, one of their forensic analysts, preliminary report. Most of the information pertained to what could be found on the hard drive of the computer. There were business contacts, family photos, contractual agreements. And yes, more of Ozzie’s favourite form of entertainment. Robert didn’t spend any time looking at those, they were cross-referencing the images, he would look when he had to and not a moment sooner.

Oswald Faust had one of the oddest jobs Robert had ever heard of. He was a rare books dealer but more than anything just a middle man. If someone had a rare book they were looking to sell he would find a buyer. If they were searching for a particular volume of work Faust would point them in the right direction. He took a cut of the profits and everyone was happy, or at least appeared to be from the state of his paperwork. From the looks of things it was more of a hobby than anything else, bank records showed Oswald Faust had gotten a couple million in his divorce, including the townhouse he had resided in. His ex-wife had implied the split was amicable but it might be worth a shot to look deeper.

Out of habit, he pulled out his mobile to see if Aaron had texted. He hadn’t. 

“I spoke to Maria Walsh a little bit ago, told her we’d be round this morning with more questions.”

Robert gave a nod and stared at his phone some more.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Robert shot his head up to look at his partner, surprised to see the genuine concern on his face.

“What? No, just thinking.”

Tate clearly didn’t believe him but he let it lie, instead standing and patting his pockets.

“Well let’s go then because we aren’t getting anywhere like this.”

Robert followed Tate to the car, let the man drive as he watched the road lost in thought. He allowed himself a brief few minutes to go over it in his head. He needed to compartmentalize. Keep work from his sister. Keep his sister from Aaron. At least for now. 

Vic had been insistent and given her condition he couldn’t really deny her. He’d not been the best brother most of his life and worse still for the last year while working the McConnell case. She was really the only family he had, he couldn’t lose that.

He would have to talk to Aaron, at some point. Knowing himself he’d put it off as long as possible. Something was wrong, he could feel it. Now wasn’t the time to be rocking the boat, let alone jumping out of it completely when the water was choppy. He didn’t want to lie to Aaron or about him, but maybe it was too soon.

Robert was the best at avoidance, he could admit that to himself at the very least.

Tate stopped the car in front of the council flats and gave Robert a sideways look. Robert was thankful when he didn’t say anything as they exited the car. When they reached the well-worn door Tate gave a sharp knock and straightened his tie.

A large man opened it, had to be early 50s, but with big shoulders that still looked like they could pack a wallop. He eyed them carefully, clearly protective of whatever was behind him, just like every good man should be.

Robert put on his most sincere smile and reached out his hand.

“DCI Sugden and this is DCI Tate, we’re here to speak with Maria Walsh.”

“Ted Walsh, Maria’s husband.”

The shake was firm, not unfriendly but the warning was clear. His home, his family and most importantly, his to take care of. Robert liked him instantly.

“Please come in Detectives.”

Like most council flats it wasn’t large but it was homey. Clean and bright, warm colours and the smell of sausage still lingered in the air. Maria Walsh was curled up on the couch with a steaming cup in her hands, she was staring at the wall, lost in thought. A young teenage girl was sitting beside her playing on the phone in her hand.

“Hon, the police are here.”

Ted Walsh went from a fierce warrior to a pussycat in front of Robert’s very eyes. His wife looked over at him, then blinked. Her lips spread into a tentative smile but she nudged the girl beside her, who raised from the couch and left the room without ever looking up from her screen. Clearly, two detectives coming to your home to interview your mother about the dead body she’d found the day before didn’t warrant interest.

Ted Walsh sat beside his wife on the sofa, lifting his arm and tucking her frame into his. She patted her husband's leg and turned to Robert.

“Please, have a seat.”

There was only one easy chair which Tate perched on so Robert leaned casually against the wall and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. He gave a nod to Tate, who started in on their new line of questioning.

“In our search of Mr. Faust’s residence, we came across some photographs we are wondering if you’re aware of.”

Maria looked puzzled, clearly waiting for Tate to continue.

“They were found in his bedside table, they were of…”

“Oh no Detective, no. I respected Ozzie’s privacy. I only ever put his clothes away in his closet and cleaned. I never snooped.”

Robert took pity on his partner, who was slowly going red in the face and looked like he wanted to ground to open up and swallow him whole.

“Mrs. Walsh, these photographs are very graphic and would be upsetting to anyone who saw them. You’re sure you never saw anything like that in Mr. Faust’s home?”

She shook her head, still confused but from what Robert could tell, also very curious.

“No, nothing like that. I can’t imagine what Ozzie could possibly have…”

Tate cleared his throat, wanting to change the subject and Robert couldn’t help but smirk at how uncomfortable he was.

“Did Mr. Faust have any other staff or did you ever see anyone in the home with him? Someone, that might have had access to his bedroom?”

“No…”

“Actually…”

The Walshes started talking at once, looking at each other and almost forgetting that Robert and Tate were in the room.

“No, Ted she wouldn’t.”

“Maria, you know what she’s like.”

“But she promised…”

Ted Walsh sighed and his wife grimaced before relenting to the look her husband gave her.

“Detectives, our daughter, Beth, she helped me sometimes at Ozzie’s townhouse. Other jobs too. Only on the occasional weekend here and there. She knows not to go into things but there is a chance she might have seen something.”

Robert locked eyes with Tate before turning to Ted Walsh.

“We are, unfortunately, going to need to speak to your daughter. With your permission of course.”

Robert couldn’t help but jump when the father just opened his mouth and bellowed.

“Beth Ann Walsh get in here right now!”

**********

Aaron had to wonder if he’d met Jack Thomas in another life if they would have been friends. Books Aaron had read in his angst-filled teenage years were on the shelves. A scarf displaying the colours of Aaron’s favourite football team. A birthday card dated 10 years earlier from someone named Glen was weathered but put in a place of pride.

It was like Jack Thomas had never let anything go, needing to hold onto to all of it. Like the memories weren’t enough, he needed the tangible to surround him.

Aaron collected the small computer base and necessary cords first, sliding it into the messenger bag he’d brought with him. He gave up on the shelves and knick-knacks, finally diving into the small filing cabinet.

Unlike the rest of the room, it was neat and orderly, every file labeled with bills and client names, invoices and government forms. He found a copy of Jack’s passport and the insurance papers on the engagement ring. Aaron has been right, the thing was worth a mint.

He’d almost given up finding anything when the colour blue caught his eye in between the folders. There was another folder tucked at the bottom, not exactly concealed but still hidden out of plain sight. He took out enough folders to reach it, noting it was labeled Leckmelm. Inside was a deed transfer of an address into Jack Thomas’s name and receipts from what appeared to be a local hardware shop.

Leckmelm, Scotland. 

He stuffed the file into his messenger bag and made his way back out to Jamie. She was leaning against her marble kitchen island and staring down into her mug. She stood up straight and eyed Aaron warily, the trepidation in her voice was clear.

“Did you find anything?”

She looked hopeful but something held him back.

“Did Jack ever mention Leckmelm to you?”

She pursed her lips.

“He met a client there a few times over the last year, only for two or three nights at a time. Why?”

“No reason, I just saw it mentioned in some files.”

She smiled at him, so genuine and he got that sinking feeling he knew all too well. The one that told him he was going to regret this case, no matter the outcome.

“Look, it’ll take a few days to go through his computer and check with some of his clients. If I find anything I’ll let you know. But if you hear from Jack or have any concerns you call me, yah?”

She thanked him profusely, wrapped up in so much naive belief that Aaron felt like a monster for misleading her. But if he was going to break her world apart was best if he had all the information to do it with.

Back in the car he pulled out his mobile and shot off a quick text to Matty.

**A: I need you to get me to the first flight to Leckmelm tomorrow. I’ve got a lead.**

He didn’t bother with waiting for a response, knew that by the time he got back Matty would have it sorted. 

He spent the drive back to the office going over the feeling in his gut, the one telling him Jack Thomas was going to be a lot easier to find than originally thought. He needed to prove it but he knew, the fiancé had done a runner.

Aaron needed to find out why. That wasn’t part of his job, he wasn’t paid to understand, he was paid to deliver. He could make a few calls and possibly know for sure Jack Thomas was snuggled up North, possibly with a new woman by his side. He could give Jamie Flynn the address and send her on her way. He could just do what was asked of him.

He could, but he wouldn’t.

Back at the office, Matty was eager to get his hands on the computer and even more eager to find out what their new possible lead was. When Aaron handed over the file Matty skimmed the contents and let out a low whistle.

“And Jamie didn’t know anything about this?”

Aaron squirmed a little at the question.

“Well, I didn’t show her the file. I asked her about Leckmelm, but other than Jack going there a few times to visit a client she didn’t know anything.”

Matty raised his eyebrows.

“You didn’t show her this?”

“No. I want to go there first, be sure.”

If Matty had more questions, and by the look on his face Aaron could tell he did, he kept them to himself. He’d arranged a flight early the next morning out of Manchester to Inverness, and booked a rental so Aaron could drive the rest of the way. They found a room at a B&B for two nights just in case he needed to stay longer than expected.

They spent the rest of the morning going over Jack’s computer, Matty using one of his programs to get past the security rather quickly. Aaron didn’t know anything about graphic design but from what he could see Jack had talent and passion. Aaron’s heart sank even further when they found a folder labeled _Home_ right there on the desktop. Inside were images of furniture and decor, styled cottages with warm tones and comfortable fabrics.

It was nothing at all like the stage home Aaron had walked into that morning. The flat had been all modern and neutrals, but this, this was all like the man Aaron had seen in the cramped office. Warmth and life, memories and warm cups of tea by the fire. Jack Thomas was showing Aaron who he was, and it wasn’t the person Jamie Flynn knew him to be.

Matty, thankfully, could read Aaron’s mood and offered to go grab a late lunch for them. His friend knew that sometimes leaving Aaron alone with his thoughts was the safest bet for everyone.

He sat at his computer and looked up the address on Google Earth, wanting to know what kind of place Jack Thomas had possibly, probably, run to. He couldn’t make out much, but it looked like a small cottage, and some land. Quaint was the word Aaron would use, reminding him of home and making him miss his village for the first time in a long while.

He felt a little lost, needed something to anchor him and his whirling mind. He pulled out his phone and wrote a quick text to Robert. 

**A: Flying to Scotland early tomorrow for work. See you before I go?**

By the time Matty returned and lunch had finished Aaron still hadn’t heard back and the pit in his stomach had only grown larger.

*********

Beth Ann Walsh may have only been 14 years old but she had effectively blown away the one lead Robert had in their case. 

She simply came out of her room and admitted that yes, she had looked into Oswald Faust’s bedside table.

“But it wasn’t my fault, the drawer was open, Ma. I saw the old book and it looked cool because we’re reading it in class. When I picked it up pictures fell out. I didn’t look at them really, just shoved them back in. I didn’t take anything!”

The Walshes has been apologetic and had come down to the station to have Beth fingerprinted. When they’d been confirmed a match, Tate kicked his chair and mumbled some choice words under his breath.

They had nothing to go on, that much was clear. They couldn’t even get a positive reading on the type of gun used, the bullet too mangled from its passage into Faust’s brain. Whoever had shot their victim had been smart enough to collect their shell casing. 

They spent hours making calls to clients, going over Faust’s communications online. Some were risqué but he never divulged who he was or where he lived in any of the sexually explicit conversations he had in chat rooms. 

It was almost 8:00pm when they called it a night and Robert finally looked at his mobile, saw the message from Aaron. He’d been so wrapped up all day he’d forgotten his phone was on silent. He deflated when he read Aaron’s words until he realized that the timing was perfect. Life had just dropped another small gift in Robert’s lap. This was the opportunity he needed.

He tapped out a message to his sister, glad to have the breathing space and made the drive quickly to Aaron’s.

It was dark in the hallway, no light left on for him this time. Aaron had to know that Robert was coming. He might not have responded to the text but they’d not spent a night apart since they’d gotten together. Robert wasn’t even sure he knew how to sleep anymore without Aaron there beside him. 

Suddenly the thought of Aaron going away didn’t seem like such a good thing anymore.

He knocked on the apartment door before opening it. He never knocked but suddenly Robert felt like he was intruding, that maybe he wasn’t welcome.

He found Aaron folding a shirt into his overnight bag, slow and haunting music coming out of a speaker on his dresser. He must not have heard Robert come in. It gave Robert a moment to watch him, the way he shoved the shirt into the leather bag. The thing would clearly wrinkle in its travels but he knew Aaron wouldn’t care. 

Aaron was softly singing the words to a song Robert didn’t know, off-key and perfect.

_I love you._

He’d known, of course, he had. Honestly, he’d known they were headed this way the first time they’d locked eyes. Now the words were formed, thick on his tongue and desperate to be said. To be heard.

He knocked on the door jam, smiled when Aaron jumped slightly and turned with a slight flush to his cheeks.

“Jesus, Robert, warn a guy.”

Robert chuckled and leaned against the doorway.

“I did knock but I think you were too caught up in your solo performance.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and shoved another shirt in his bag before placing it on the floor.

“Didn’t think I’d see you tonight.”

Aaron didn’t seem angry, or even upset, just off in a way Robert couldn’t put his finger on. Then again maybe that was Robert, still wobbly after his realization, still wrapped in the finality of it.

“Sorry, got caught up. Is it okay that I’m here?”

Aaron looked at him puzzled as if Robert had grown a second head.

“You don’t need to apologize, I know what you do.”

Robert came forward then, grabbed Aaron by the waist and pulled their hips snug together.

“I’m going to miss you.”

Aaron’s soft smile just made his heart beat faster.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

“It’s only for one night, two at the most.”

Robert leaned his forehead against Aaron’s, breathed him in. Let the feeling that was all _Aaron_ surround them both.

“Do you need me to drive you to the airport?”

“No, ta. Flying out of Manchester at 7:00am, going to drive down and leave my car there.”

“You sure?”

Aaron pulled back, hands sliding up Robert’s chest.

“And deny you your beauty sleep, Detective?”

“Like I’ll sleep at all without you.”

He felt Aaron’s breath hitch at his words and it was right. It was the moment. Here, the two of them, arm in arm. There would be other truths to tell but this one was the most important, had been from the very beginning.

“Aaron, I…”

But he was silenced by Aaron’s lips on his, hands in his hair pulling him close. Instantly the softness of the moment, the glow, was gone. Left in its wake was the spark of Aaron’s tongue and the heat of his hands as they pulled Robert’s shirt from his slacks. 

Fingers that had gotten used to the small buttons of Robert’s shirt worked quickly, and his head was spinning when it was pushed from his shoulders. He’s sure at some point Aaron’s mouth left him, it wasn’t clear. Robert was too wrapped up in it all to notice anything other than every piece of skin that he could touch. 

He wanted to slow it down, take it in but Aaron was frantic, pulling at his shoulders and bringing them down onto the bed. Aaron was above him, and everywhere and Robert couldn’t catch his breath at the first stroke of the hand that wrapped around him.

“God, Aaron.”

It was breathy and Robert knew the emotion he feels is right there, dripping from the words. Aaron’s hand stilled. Robert opened his eyes to the pair that hovered above him, blue and pleading in a way Robert didn’t entirely understand.

He realized then Aaron couldn’t hear it, not yet. It made Robert ache, being asked to let it lie. Still, he couldn’t help himself as he lifted his hand, no longer fisted in the blanket beneath him. He pressed the pads of his fingers to the scruff of that face. He ran his thumb over Aaron’s wet and red lips, memorized the line of his Cupid’s bow. A sigh floated across his fingers, and he lost himself all the more when Aaron’s eyes closed, his cheek leaning further into Robert’s palm.

Maybe he couldn’t say it, maybe he’s not allowed to speak the words, but he could show Aaron it all. He needed to do something with the declaration that ran on repeat through him.

_I love you._

He flipped them slowly, Aaron’s eyes never leaving his as he changed their positions. Robert had been given permission to lead, to take the reins and walk them down this unknown together. He refused to disappoint, insistent that Aaron know how Robert feels, how he’s always felt.

Robert’s not an entirely good man, and most certainly not worthy but loving Aaron feels like the greatest thing he’ll ever do. The one thing he cannot fail at. Aaron is a marker on his life. Nothing before them matters, everything since is what the world is supposed to be made of.

Aaron let himself be kissed softly, let Robert use his hands to skim and tease. Let himself be strung out and stretch open. He takes it slow, painfully so, to the point where his own body just wants him to give in already. He holds out as long as he can, until the steady rhythm of moving with Aaron, in Aaron, is more natural than breathing. 

Robert can barely contain the rightness of _everything_ as the man he adores keens beneath him, his hands digging into Robert’s hips, urging him faster. 

He knows what Aaron wants, the way their bodies dip and move has always been in tandem. He knows Aaron wants to wrap a hand around his own dick, pull himself finally over the edge they’d been creeping towards for so long. He also knows Robert will smack his hand away if he attempts it, again.

There is sweat running down Robert’s back and into his eyes but he can’t look away, not when Aaron’s panting in short breaths, begging in a way Robert’s never witnessed before. He is breaking Aaron apart, piece by glorious piece and it humbles him, overwhelms him.

He wants to shatter them both and put them back together, over and over again.

“Babe, please.”

It’s the whispered term of endearment that does it, ends the small bit of control Robert had been hanging onto. He lifts Aaron’s leg, turns it brutal, the snap of his hips and the taut skin of Aaron’s neck against his lips. He feels Aaron let go, the painful grip of fingers and the broken cry of his name. Until he’s falling with him and Robert forgets everything except Aaron, how he never wants anything else in this life but this.


	4. Chapter Four

It was far too early in the morning to be waking Robert, but Aaron had made a promise the night before and he knew better than to break it.

They’d been exhausted, sticky and sweaty, gasping for breath. Aaron was almost out, willing to leave the light on and his bag half packed to just float away into oblivion. Then Robert’s hand had slid into his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Wake me before you leave, yeah?”

Aaron didn’t have the energy to reply or even argue, just squeezed Robert’s hand back before mustering the strength to turn off the bedside lamp. He was out in seconds, too sated to do anything else.

Then the nightmares came, the ones he hadn’t had in years, not since he’d been betrayed by his fellow officers and hung out to dry. In his dreams, he was searching, hunting something he couldn’t name. He was relentless, but every time he knew he was close it slipped away again. Only this time, Robert was there, directing him where to go, promising if he just followed this path, this lead, the sound of Robert’s voice, he would finally find what he sought. He woke with a start, heart racing and the sound of Robert’s reassurances ringing in his ear. He gave up on sleep and started the slow and silent task of getting ready to leave and actually getting some answers. This case was eating at him in ways he didn’t want to look at.

He was ready to go, bag in hand as he stared at Robert, mouth open and sheets kicked out around him. Robert had a habit of stretching out and taking up every bit of available space in bed, whether Aaron was there or not. Even now his arm was flung out where Aaron should be.

He bent forward and placed a hand on Robert’s shoulder, just enough to break the snores but not enough to wake him completely.

“Hmmm?”

“I’m leaving, go back to sleep.”

“Kay.”

It was whispered and so damn adorable he couldn’t not palm Robert’s cheek and steal a quick kiss before sliding away. Robert’s hand pawed at his chest lightly before falling back on the bed. Aaron stepped back as his boyfriend curled on his side and pressed his face half into the pillow. Two words came out mumbled, they stopped Aaron in his tracks and made his stomach twist.

“Love you.”

When Aaron turned back Robert was already asleep, a contented grin on his face.

**********

Aaron didn’t allow himself to think about it as he drove to Manchester. He refused to let his mind go there while he checked in, grabbed a coffee and sat on a hard plastic chair to wait for boarding. It wasn’t until the plane was safely in the air, seatbelt light off, that he leaned his head back and took a deep breath. It did nothing to unfurl the knot that had taken up residence in his chest.

Robert loved him or at least thought he did. Aaron had seen it the night before, had kissed Robert out of desperation. He’d been scared of the words, still was if he was honest, probably always would be. Aaron had learned a long time ago that someone loving him ended up in heartbreak, usually his own. 

Still, he couldn’t get last night out of his mind; Robert had made it impossible for Aaron to ignore. The words this morning were just that, words. They held no meaning if the emotions weren’t behind it, if actions didn’t proclaim it.

Aaron learned young words were hollow. Your Mum could tell you that you were the most important person in her world and still walk away. The man the world gave you as a father could break you at the very core while telling everyone you were just a troubled boy.

People could love you, but it didn’t mean they didn’t cut you deep, disappoint you, scar you. People lied and cheated and killed because of love, hadn’t he witnessed enough of that? Hadn’t Robert? 

As much as Aaron knew he loved Robert, had never felt this way before about anyone, he knew there was something he was missing. There was a piece he couldn’t put his finger on.

God, he was on his way to possibly confront a man who had left his fiancée, one that appeared to be devoted. A woman that was desperate to have the man she loved back. Maybe Aaron didn’t know the how and the why, but Jack Thomas had still walked away without a word.

Love wasn’t enough. It never would be.

Aaron was so lost in thought he was surprised when the plane made its descent, the sun shining over Inverness. While waiting in line to pick up his rental he checked his phone, unable to place the feeling that overcame him when he saw Robert’s text.

**R: You were supposed to wake me.**

What the hell was he supposed to say to that? He hadn’t expected Robert to remember entirely, not the words, but Aaron was swimming in this all alone. It wasn’t until he was seated in the car, about to start the long drive to Leckmelm that he let himself respond.

**A: I did muppet, you were your regular intelligent self.**

**R: Funny. Miss you too.**

**A: What, no exciting plans tonight?**

**R: Me and a takeaway, thrilling.**

**A: Try working, some of us have to you know.**

He kept it easy, their usual banter but Aaron was thankful when Robert didn’t text back. He put his mobile on silent, found a decent station on the radio, set the GPS, and drove.

He stopped twice, once for some coffee and another because he needed a piss. The scenery was nice, not that he took any of it in. Every kilometer he got closer to Jack Thomas’s secret cottage the more anxious he felt.

What would he find? Or more to the point, who would he find? He had no doubt the missing man would be holed up, hiding from the life he left behind. Aaron’s concern was for the new one Jack had built, the one without the woman who was convinced of Jack’s adoration. Would there be a new woman? Or maybe a new man? Neither would surprise him if he were honest.

The cottage turned out to be down a long dirt drive lined with a small stone ledge, picturesque and charming. It looked like a home, the door clearly freshly painted red and the outbuilding looked newly renovated. Flowers bloomed in the neat beds that lined the front. 

Aaron pulled behind a vehicle, a small truck that looked to be a few years old. He made a mental note of the plate number, though he had little doubt who the owner was. His suspicions were confirmed when the door opened and he saw a man standing there, steaming mug in hand and a questioning look on his face.

Jack Thomas, in the flesh.

**********

Robert was pretty damn close to pulling his hair out. Or Tate’s. He wasn’t too bothered which. 

Their case was at a halt and they had nowhere to go. They just kept circling back to the ex-wife but her alibi was confirmed. Oswald Faust’s lawyer had sent over a copy of the divorce proceedings and it all as amicable as Brenda Walsh had said. They had followed the prenuptial agreement down to the letter. 

There were no bad business deals, no threats, no one that would admit to harming their victim or knowing anyone who would want to. This was too personal for a random attack. Nothing had been taken, that in itself made it clear whoever committed the murder had only one thing in mind, Oswald’s demise.

Tate’s annoying hum broke Robert from his thoughts.

“Can you stop that?”

Tate ignored him and tapped his pen.

“Okay, there is only one oddity I can see in Faust’s records.”

Interest peaked, Robert leaned forward in his chair.

“What you got?”

“Faust is the middleman, right? But there is one book I see him talking with a bloke about, David Green, and it looks like Faust bought it himself.”

Robert huffed in annoyance.

“He deals with rare books, I doubt it’s unusual for him to purchase one or two.”

“Maybe, but looks like he paid well over asking price for a quick sale.”

Well, it was something at least.

“What was the book?”

“It doesn’t say here but I’ll reach out to Green and find out.”

Robert looked at the time, it was barely afternoon but he’d put in some long days. It’s not like he was doing any good anyway.

“Are you cool if I cut out early?”

Tate looked at him with a smirk and threw his pen, missing Robert’s head when he ducked.

“Sugden, you got a hot date?”

“No, just a family thing.”

“You have a family? I thought you were hatched in a pod or something.”

Tate laughed at his own joke, so at least someone thought he was funny. Robert wasn’t in the mood. Tate waved his hand.

“Shove off, I’ll call if something comes up.”

Robert went back in his flat, grocery bags in hand, took in the layer of dust that covered everything and sighed. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and worked on making his place look lived in. He put away the food, made up the bed in the guest room and had just finished dusting when his phone beeped a few hours later.

**V: We’re here!**

Showtime.

***********

Jack Thomas had offered Aaron a tight smile when he’d told him that he was a private investigator hired by Jamie. Then he’d opened the door wide and welcomed Aaron into his new home.

It was quaint, it was the only word for it. It looked like a mash of all the photos Matty had found on Jack’s computer and nothing like the flat he’d left behind. 

“Can I get you a brew?”

Aaron shook his head no and took the chair offered to him in the small sitting room. They just surveyed each other, Jack seemed to be a confident man. Or at the very least, confident in his decision.

“So Jamie hired you to find me?”

He didn’t seem surprised, just stated the obvious.

“Yeah, some women worry when the man they’re engaged to disappears without a trace.”

Jack was at least decent enough to wince at Aaron’s harsh tone. For a split second Aaron actually felt bad for the guy, then he remembered Jamie’s hopeful face and her blind belief.

“Look, Jack, I don’t know Jamie well but she loves you a lot and she’s convinced you’d never leave her like this. You couldn’t have just left a note?”

He was met with silence, Jack’s head dipped forward as he rubbed his temples. Aaron realized this had been a mistake, what was this man going to tell him? What did it matter? He’d made his choice and Jamie deserved better.

He made a move to stand when Jack’s voice stopped him.

“I didn’t plan it, any of it. It just got to be too much?”

“What did?”

“Pretending to be something I’m not.”

Aaron settled back down, let Jack take some deep breaths.

“Jamie and I met at school. I didn’t have any family, I didn’t have anyone. She was beautiful, came from money and her family just welcomed me. I fell in love. I never thought about being happy because all I wanted was to be good enough to keep her.”

Aaron could feel the knot in his stomach pull tighter.

“Then last year I got a call, I had an uncle who died. He left me this place. Guess he felt guilty he hadn’t taken me in when my parents passed. At first, I was just going to fix it up, surprise Jamie with it, a nice vacation spot. But as time went on I realized this felt like home, for the first time I had found a place I wanted to stay. Jamie, I love her, I do but she wouldn’t be happy in this life. Not the one I want.”

“No offense, Jack, but that sounds like an excuse to me.”

He watched the man get to his feet, pace over to the window. Aaron was almost certain he wanted to hide the tears in his eyes, but there was no disguising the emotion in his words.

“Have you ever loved someone so much that you would give them anything?”

Aaron remained silent but the pit was pulsing, crawling its way up to his throat.

“Jamie wants nice perfect things and fancy vacations. She wants kids that go to boarding school and a house that looks like no one lives there. I want colour and mess, I want everything that would make her unhappy. If I stay then I have the woman I love but I’m lost. She’d never choose this.”

“Don’t you think she deserves to make that decision?”

Jack said nothing, just paced some more. Aaron realized this was a no-win situation. The man had lied to a woman for six years and now he had nowhere to go.

“Look, my job was to find you and I have.”

Jack turned, eyes downcast, arms wrapped around his middle like a child facing his punishment. This man wasn’t just conflicted, no he was running away before he was left.

And there it was.

It took Aaron a moment, his eyes started to sting. The knot in his stomach unfurled, made his limbs tingle and his breath quicken. It caught him off guard, it was like looking in a mirror and he didn’t like what he saw.

He pushed it down, squashed it. Job first. Get through this, Dingle.

“Mr. Thomas, you can make whatever decision you choose but I will tell Jamie I found you. One of us needs to make the phone call and we both know who it should be.”

Jack seemed to grow a spine in that instant, standing up straight and looking Aaron in the eye. He gave a nod, grabbed for the phone on the coffee table and had it to his ear before Aaron could say another word.

“Jamie, it’s Jack.”

Aaron didn’t stick around much longer, just let himself out and headed back to the car. Once inside he grabbed the steering wheel, flexed his fingers and let out a shaky breath. This all hit too close to home, this all felt like too much. It wasn’t even lunchtime and he was done. Case closed. Jack Thomas had run scared and Aaron had spent the last few days doing the exact same thing.

He loved Robert, needed him in a way that terrified him as much as it spread joy through him. For the first time, Aaron Dingle had something, someone, he couldn’t imagine his life without. So, of course, he was seeing things that weren’t there. He had been waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath him, just like it had so many times before.

But Robert, who was stubborn and kind, who made Aaron laugh until his face hurt, who made his knees weak, loved him. Nothing was perfect, life was messy and still, they’d found each other in the chaos. He couldn’t lose it, and he refused to be the cause of it slipping through his fingers.

He needed to get home. He needed to hold that stupidly beautiful face in his hands and say the words. He needed to be honest because love wasn’t enough but it had gotten them this far.

Aaron started the car and headed back the way he came, he had somewhere to be.

**********

The first hour had been uncomfortable, the conversation stilted and the air heavy. Victoria, his little sister, had tried in her sunny way to coat over the tension as she plopped herself down on the sofa and rubbed her swollen belly.

It was still so hard to believe she was going to be a mum, up to her arms in drool and diapers, no doubt adoring every minute of it. Her husband Ellis kept her tucked into his side, a hand always touching her, needing the connection. The way he looked at her, Robert understood it now, the devotion and love just radiated out of him. Thank God Ellis was a funny guy, his banter helping to soften the anxiety in the pit of Robert’s stomach.

Then there was Andy, awkward and yet his chin stubborn as he took in Robert’s flat. It was nothing like the farm, not homey and warm, not like Andy. That had been the problem, hadn’t it? Robert wasn’t Andy, the bone of contention for their father, the reason Katie had left him to shack up and marry his brother. 

He hadn’t seen Andy since Vic’s wedding, the brothers willing to ignore each other for one day so they could walk their sister down the aisle. Katie has been smug because life being a farmer’s wife was better in some way to being the girlfriend of a cop. Didn’t stop her hand from making advances under the table while her husband gave a speech about love and commitment to the guests celebrating Vic and Ellis’s day.

But that was Robert’s fault too wasn’t it? Hadn't everything always been? Max’s death even though Andy was driving the car. Katie sleeping with Robert before the wedding even though she’d told him she was leaving Andy to be with him. Their father’s heart attack after another row with Robert, the black spot on the Sugden name who just wouldn’t listen.

_No son of mine..._

“Vic cut out the article in the paper, stuck it on our fridge.”

Ellis and his easy manner broke in, stopped his mind going down that old painful road again. Instead, Robert rolled his eyes, unable to hide the smile it gave him, the thought that his sister was proud.

“How many blokes catch a serial killer? Plus that PI is right fit.”

Ellis smacked her playfully on the shoulder as Robert thought about the article in the paper right after they’d caught McConnell and released it to the press. Aaron and Robert standing behind DSU Chrissie White as she made her announcement. Robert might have a copy himself hidden away in his desk drawer.

“Sarah and Jack told all the kids at school, they’re right proud of you.”

Andy hadn’t spoken much at all but when he did he knew how to pack a wallop. They locked eyes and for a brief moment it was as if the last 15 years faded away, they were just brothers. God, he’d missed that. Still, he didn’t know what to do with the attention, so positive and supportive. It made him squirm.

“It was a team effort, we’re just glad he can’t hurt anyone else.”

Because that, at the very least, was the truth.

“So what’s he like, Rob?” Vic asked, clearly interested in the darkest part of Robert’s work.

“McConnell? I can’t divulge information about the case Vic, you know that.”

“No, Aaron Dingle. He’s dreamy, at least two of my friends fancy him.”

“So do you from the sounds of it,” Ellis huffed, “Remember who’s kid you’re about to have.”

Vic’s laughter filled the space and Andy shot Robert a smile.

It was always Vic bringing them back together, the glue that kept the Sugden boys from ever being able to separate for good. In two months she was having a little girl, a person Robert already loved and would do anything for. If that meant burying the hatchet with his brother, then so be it.

It also helped that Katie had run off on Andy six months ago, leaving him with the farm and the bills while she headed north with a farm hand. That was Katie, always looking for a new distraction. No one would ever be good enough.

Tonight Andy would head home, back to the village they grew up in, choosing to drive the almost two hours instead of bedding on Robert’s couch. Ellis and Vic were shacking up in Robert’s spare room so they could spend the whole next day baby shopping. She was all abuzz about change tables, soft headbands, and burp clothes. It was sweet and just as it should be. Mostly it was nice, sitting with his family, feeling a part of it for the first time in longer than he could remember. It made him miss their Mum. It made him miss the Dad he’d always wanted but never got. It made him miss Aaron.

He wished he could tell them about the man who’d stolen his heart, changed everything. The man who made it possible for Robert to be even be sitting here attempting a peace treaty after almost 20 years of resentment. It was too new, this family unit they were trying to build, for all their sakes. In time he would tell them, especially if Aaron was as permanent a fixture as he wanted him to be. Vic had gay friends, Andy surely had become more open-minded with the times. He couldn’t be that much like their father.

_Haven’t you shamed us enough? No son of mine..._

How would his siblings react to their brother being in love with a man? How would Aaron react when he learned the things Robert had done in his past?

Answers he wasn’t sure he was ready to learn, and thankfully he still had time. He interrupted Vic and Ellis’s playful banter when he leaned back in his chair and smiled at Andy.

“So tell me about the kids, did they get the presents I sent them at Christmas?”

The spent the next bit eating take away and sharing stories from their childhood, the good ones, the ones Jack Sugden hadn’t ruined. Eventually, Andy rose from his chair, gave Vic a warm hug and Ellis a pat on the back. Robert walked him to the door, stood there awkwardly while they sized each other up. Andy reached out his hand and Robert gratefully shook it, sure the last time they’d touched that had been one of them connecting a punch.

Robert shut the door and leaned his forehead against it. Halfway there and things were going so well he just might make it through the night alive. Now with Andy gone, he could relax, Vic and Robert had a great relationship. Yes, he’d been so busy with work that they didn’t talk as much as he would like over the last year but she was having a baby. Robert would support her in any and every way he could, he owed her.

He was down the hall when a brisk knock on the door had him turning. He looked to see if there was anything Andy had left behind, shocked when he opened the door and saw Aaron standing there. Robert’s heart leaped into his throat, thrilled to see him but terrified as to why.

“Aaron?”

He barely had time to think before Aaron’s warm hands framed his face, pulled him in for a short but fierce kiss. He felt the words against his lips at the same time he heard them whispered.

“I love you, DCI Robert Sugden.”

Aaron kissed him again and the rightness of it flowed through him. Aaron loved him too, he could say it now, they both could. He was about to, until laughter from the other room stilled him, brought him back to reality, made him pull back. The confusion in Aaron’s eyes was clear but Robert could explain, he just needed time he didn’t have. Because he heard footsteps, then Aaron’s eyes went wide when Vic slid her arms around Robert’s waist as she came up behind him, her voice chipper and light.

“Oh my God, you’re the Wonder PI!”

**********

Aaron had driven fast, thankful that he was able to get on the next flight back home. He was buzzed, the adrenaline almost matched that of when he solved a case. Technically he had in a way, solved a mystery that had nothing to do with Jack Thomas and his runner. This was all Aaron. 

He would get to Robert and he would tell him how he felt. He’d apologize for pulling away the last couple days, that is if Robert had even noticed. They’d talk, they needed to talk but he had no doubt they’d be okay.

He got a text from Matty that Jamie had called, thanking Aaron for his work and requesting a final invoice. Aaron insisted they not bill for his time or flights out to Leckmelm. He hadn’t gone there for the case, he’d gone there for himself. He’d gotten the answers he really needed.

It wasn’t until he was in his own vehicle, driving back from Manchester that he realized Robert was probably at work. It was past tea time but he was in the middle of a murder investigation. When Aaron stopped to get petrol he pulled out his phone, planning to text Robert and tell him he was back. When he saw his Find Friends app he smiled and clicked on it instead. A couple days after the McConnell case they’d been laying in bed, Robert drawing circles on Aaron’s back while they talked about the case and how an app had essentially saved Chelsea McConnell’s life, making them able to track her down with her father. The showdown that ended it all.

Robert had grabbed his phone and given Aaron permission to track his every movement, in case his life needed saving in the future. Then they’d laughed and kissed, the phone and app long forgotten. Aaron had never even opened the thing before. Now it would come in handy, showed Robert was at his flat and had been for a while. He smiled when he realized he’d finally get to see Robert’s place.

He rushed up to the building, found Robert’s name listed, eager to push the buzzer when an old couple opened the door. He raced in after them, almost ran into a bloke getting off the elevator in his rush.

He knocked before he could think, nervous for the split second that the door opened. Then Robert looked at him and he knew, he’d been stupid to hold them both back from what was between them.

He had to kiss him, then the words just bubbled out, then he kissed Robert again just because he could. For a split second, it had been perfect and Aaron didn’t know he could be this happy. 

Until suddenly the light went out of Robert’s eyes, he stepped away and Aaron instinctively reached forward, unsure of what was wrong. 

The problem revealed itself as she wrapped her arms around Robert, smile bright and belly round.

“Oh my God, you’re the Wonder PI!”

Aaron saw Robert wince and took a step back into the hall. What the actual fuck was going on? The woman didn’t realize the moment she’d walked in on, maybe…

“Robert, are you working another case with him? Why didn’t you say so? I’m Vic, Robert’s little sister. It’s so cool to meet you.”

She stuck out her hand, all smiles, and excitement. Robert’s sister, the one he said he didn’t talk to, the one who obviously didn’t know who Aaron was to her brother. 

Robert still wouldn’t meet his eye and Aaron realized what was happening. God, of course, Robert had been keeping secrets. Aaron was the secret. Jesus.

It finally all clicked together and he went cold. He’d been right this whole time, though that was little comfort to him now. He pushed aside the pain in his chest and rolled his shoulders. He was not going to allow Robert to see him sweat.

Oh no, not this time.

“Pleasure to meet you.”

He shook her hand, friendly but all business. That’s all he was, work. Another nameless person who didn’t mean anything.

“Do you need to leave, Rob? Ellis and I will be fine on our own tonight if you have to work. Oh my God, Ellis, my husband, he would love to meet you.”

She seemed so excited and Aaron just wanted to be sick. He wanted to punch something, mostly Robert’s face, the one that still wouldn’t look at him.

“Uh Vic, give us a minute yah?”

Aaron's heart clenched at the sound of Robert’s voice. Surprised how much it actually physically hurt him to hear it.

“Right. Of course. So nice to meet you, Mr. Dingle.”

She patted Robert’s chest and waddled away. When she was out of sight Aaron turned, he needed to get out of there. He couldn’t get away fast enough.

He heard the door shut, pounding footsteps, the weight of a hand grabbing his shoulder. He shrugged it off violently as he whirled around.

“Aaron…”

“Does she know who I am?”

“It’s not like that…”

“Does she know who you are?”

Those eyes finally met his, sad and pleading and lost. The truth was all right there, finally and he wished he’d never had to see it. Wished he’d never chased after it. When would he learn?

“Yeah, well I guess I didn’t either did I?”

Aaron didn’t bother waiting for a response, just turned away, pushed through the door to the stairs and let his heart crack more when Robert didn’t follow after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promise the next chapter won't be such a long wait. Thanks for all the love! It means everything.


	5. Chapter Five

Robert had fucked up big in his life before. He could write out an itemized list of how badly he’d screwed up in the past, hurt the people that meant the most. This time scared him more than any other, he didn’t know if he could fix this. He needed to fix this. He wouldn’t lose Aaron, he couldn’t.

He hated that he’d let Aaron storm away. He hated that he’d let it all get this far. More than anything he hated the look on Aaron’s face, betrayed and hurt, so bloody hurt that it knocked the wind out of him. He floundered and froze, and for a split second believed it was the right thing. Aaron deserved better than Robert and his fucked up past. 

He could fix it. He had to.

He raced back to his place, made up some ridiculous half arsed excuse about work that had Victoria looking at him funny but he didn’t bother to try to explain. He’d make it right with Aaron, then he’d tell his family and the chips would fall where they may. He loved Aaron, Aaron loved him. If Robert had him, nothing else mattered; he knew that now.

He would fix it.

He drove too fast to the office, thankful that Aaron’s car was parked out front and beyond grateful that the code to the door still worked for him. Aaron hadn’t had much of a head start but it had been long enough.

He knew where to find him, could feel the anger and pain radiating from the office before he walked in. Aaron, sitting on the sofa where they’d snuggled and solved a murder, where they’d slept and kissed, made love and laughed. Robert adored that sofa. He adored the man more.

Aaron didn’t look up, just stared down at the glass of whisky in his hand. From the state of the bottle on the table he’d managed more than his fair share already. 

“You’re gonna turn around and get the hell out of here Sugden, or I’ll make you.”

“Aaron.”

“Get. Out.”

Aaron met his gaze then, eyes hard and blank, the threat a real one. Robert wasn’t scared, would almost be happy for a punch or two. He deserved it, it would probably make them both feel better.

“I’m sorry, but it’s not what you think. They don’t know I’m bisexual. I’m not ashamed of you or us. I never have been.”

Aaron banged his glass on the table, didn’t seem to care that half the contents spilled out, soaked the legal pad underneath. He stood up, pulled his sleeves up his arms, crossed them over his chest.

“I mean it, leave.”

“We have to talk about this.”

Aaron laughed, so bitter it made Robert wince. He wanted to reach for him, hold him, make him understand.

“Talk? Now you want to talk? What would you like to talk about? The fact that you’re lying to your family or the fact that you’ve been lying to me this whole damn time?”

“It’s not like…”

“Then what the hell is it like, Robert? What? The part where the only time you mentioned your sister you said you didn’t talk? Because you looked damn close to me.”

Point made.

“The last year, working the McConnell case, I shut everyone out of my life. I was so focused on it, I didn’t have time for anyone else. Until you, then I met you and then I didn’t care about anything else. You have to believe that.”

Robert went to step forward, convinced if he could touch Aaron he could get him to calm down and make him see what he was trying to say. Aaron jerked backwards, moved to put his desk between them. It may as well have been a continent.

“So, it was a family reunion. Just you and a takeaway right?”

“Okay, yes I kept it from you. I didn’t want to mess with how good we were, and you’d seemed distant the last few days. I just…”

“Stupid me, I felt like my boyfriend was keeping something from me. Instead he was keeping me from everything. I knew there was a reason you never brought me to your place.”

Robert whipped his head up.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your flat, where you live. Not once did we go there, always here.”

“Because I love it here. My flat is just a place to sleep, it wasn’t...why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I foolishly thought I was causing problems, that I was seeing things that weren’t there. I thought I was the problem. Turns out I was right.”

Fuck this, Aaron could punch him if need be but Robert had to get closer. He rounded the desk, thankful when Aaron let him put a hand on his shoulder, feel warmth through his Henley.

“Aaron, my past, it’s not pretty.”

“You don’t trust me.”

“What? God no, that’s not it.”

Aaron turned, face to face and the tears in his eyes made Robert want to sink to his knees and beg forgiveness.

“You didn’t trust that I would understand you aren’t out to your family and I would have. I know how scary it is, I would have supported you, whatever you needed. You didn’t trust that I wouldn't judge your past, that I know the man I fell in love…”

His voice broke, Robert framed that face, pushed their foreheads together.

“I trust you Aaron, I swear.”

He lost him, his fingers slid away as Aaron took his space back. He watched the barriers go back up again, they hadn’t been down long, not enough for Robert to break through.

“Do you honestly think you’re the only one who has skeletons in his closet? You think I don’t have things I’m ashamed of? I was going to share them with you, in time, because I trusted you. I thought we were building something together.”

“We were, we still can.”

“No Robert we can’t, because you couldn’t be honest. How many times have you lied to me?”

_No. No. No._

“Don’t do this, please. We can figure it out. You love me and I love…”

Aaron shoved him in the chest, hard enough that Robert stumbled back. They stared at each other, both shocked. Then he watched the shame flicker across Aaron’s face and he hated himself even more.

“Don’t you dare say that to me. Don’t you dare use those words as some sort of ploy to get your way. Now I mean it, leave.”

“Aaron, I can’t lose you.”

Aaron’s tears were fell, threatening to break apart the pieces of Robert’s heart even more. He can’t have fucked this up, not this, not Aaron.

“Too late. Just go, Robert. Please.”

He knew, it was over. He’d done it. There was no breaking through, because when Robert destroyed things they never could be fixed. His one true talent.

He wanted to kiss him one last time. He wanted to hear that soothing hum that made the rest of the world disappear. He just wanted to love him, and now he wasn’t allowed. He was going to fall apart, he was crumbling already and he knew how to run. He’d always been good at that.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs he flinched when he heard glass shatter from above.

**********

The bang of Matty slamming the door had Aaron groaning at the pounding of his head. He winced against the bright light in the room and rubbed at his eyes.

“Oh, so you’re alive then.”

Aaron opened one eye to see Matty standing there with a glass of water and some pills in his open palm.

“Take these, if you can keep them down.”

Aaron sat up, greedily downed the water and tablets. He leaned his head back against the couch and tried to forget the last 24 hours had ever happened. If only it could all have just been a bad dream.

After Robert had left he’d flung his glass into the big screen TV, which was not a smart move but he hadn’t cared. Instead he drank straight from the bottle, until he didn’t feel anything at all. The last thing he remembered was staring at his phone, reading through past text messages. Their flirty banter, their past dinner plans and occasional sex talk. He wanted to pick apart every word, find a piece of it that hadn’t been tainted. He’d come up empty.

He realized Matty was still just standing there staring at him.

“What?”

“Do you want to know what time it is, Boss?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“What time is it, Matty?”

“It’s past noon. I came in this morning to find you dead to the world and the TV destroyed. I got you some lunch by the way, if you can stomach it.”

He realized in that moment he could, and that Matty was worth every penny Aaron paid him.

“Thank you.”

He opened his eyes as Matty placed a greasy bag on the table and Aaron wanted to kiss him. Matty pulled up a chair, well more picked up the one knocked sideways on the floor, and sat down.

“How long have we know each other?”

Aaron couldn’t actually remember a time when he hadn’t known Matty. The same village, the same friends, complete opposites that somehow stuck together.

“Since diapers I believe.”

“Right, which means I’ve seen every type of Aaron Dingle post bender. After a wild night. After a fight with your Mum. After everything with…”

Aaron was eternally grateful Matty chose not to end that sentence.

“But this, I’ve never seen this. What the hell happened last night?”

He eyed his best mate, probably one of the few souls on the planet Aaron truly trusted with his life. He’d never lied to him, wasn’t about to start now.

“Robert and I, we’re finished.”

The shock in Matty’s eyes made it clear that was the last thing he was expecting to hear.

“What? You both seemed so happy.”

Aaron shrugged, the walls firmly in place. He’d get through this. He’d been to hell, how bad could a broken heart be?

“It doesn’t matter now. It’s done and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Boss….”

“I mean it Matty, I just need some time okay.”

Matty gave him a sad smile.

“Whatever you need Aaron, you know that.”

“I know.”

“Well have a shower or something because you stink. I got a few things to do but your calendar is clear for a few days. I made sure of it.”

Only Matty Barton would walk into the mess Aaron had made of his life and know exactly how to help. What would he do without him? Aaron was grateful he had yet to find out. Matty gave him a shrug as he headed for the door.

“Hey, Mats.”

Matty turned to him, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for...just thanks.”

“Anytime.”

The door shut softly and Aaron went about eating the greasy burger and chips, downed another glass of water. Then he got up, headed for the shower and decided to move on with his life. He’d lived with the empty aching inside before. He could do it again.

**********

Robert had driven around all night, until his car was almost on empty and he could barely keep his eyes open. He didn’t want to go back to his flat and have to lie again to his sister. It was the lying that had gotten him into all this in the first place.

Even exhausted he’d laid awake as the sun rose. He’d never been much of a sleeper before Aaron, unable to shut down his mind. The last few months of deep sleep had been a godsend, closing his eyes surrounded by arms, opening them again with a face pressed into his neck. Starting his day rested and content.

He’d realized last night that there was nothing he could do. Not yet anyway. Aaron would need some time, everything had been a shock and Robert would make it up to him. They weren’t over. What they had couldn’t end because Aaron said so. They were bigger than that.

He waited until he heard Vic and Ellis depart before he attempted the painstaking task of getting ready for the day. It all felt wrong. The water pressure in his shower wasn’t strong enough. He couldn’t find his toothbrush or razor, all things he realized were left at Aaron’s. Everything about his flat feltforeign. It wasn’t home, never had been, he’d just not seen it until now. He regretted never inviting Aaron here, then he would have seen for himself that Robert wasn’t missing anything, hiding anything. Nothing but beige walls, IKEA furniture and an empty bed. There was no coffee in the house and no Doug’s cafe below him to give him the caffeine he so desperately desired. It twisted something in his gut, pressed heavy into his chest, all he’d lost to his own stupidity.

Work was slow and methodical, more of the same, getting nowhere but working hard nonetheless. Tate has been unusually quiet, maybe he picked up on Robert’s dark mood, or maybe this case was finally starting to get to his partner as well.

He was staring at his phone, debating bumming a cigarette off a fellow detective even though he hadn’t smoked in years, when it vibrated in his hand. AD Investigations was on the call display and suddenly Robert forgot how to breath. He shot from his chair, headed to the empty hall and tried to not sound as desperate as he felt.

“Aaron?”

“What the hell did you do?”

Matty, not the person he hoped for but he’d take it.

“Is he okay? Tell me he’s okay, Matty.”

“I don’t know what he is. He texts me from Scotland saying he’d found our missing, all is well. Then I come in this morning to him passed out on the sofa stinking of booze and his office destroyed.”

“He solved it?”

Aaron, a dog with a bone until he figured it out, of course he’d solved it.

“Yeah, turns out the guy had been lying to his fiancée for like a decade or something, did a runner. Not the point Robert, what the hell happened?”

Robert couldn’t believe it was worse, but somehow it was.

“Are you there?”

“Matty, I messed up but I will make it right.”

“He said you two were over. He sounded pretty final. I’m just calling to see that you’re okay, the state of the office...he didn’t...”

“No, nothing like that. Aaron would never hurt me.”

He heard Matty’s whoosh of breath. How could he think Aaron would ever physically hurt Robert? Aaron wasn’t like that. Then he remembered the look on Aaron’s face when he’d shoved him away, the surprise and the shame.

“Look, maybe...shit gotta go. Bye, Robert.”

The line went dead as he slumped against the wall. 

He was proud of Aaron, because he’d figured it out. If things had been different Robert would have teased that he had been right. He smiled fondly as he remembered their their flirty banter over the phone. Just days ago when they joked and made plans. Aaron convinced the ex-wife did it. The one with the alibi and strong demeanour, her classy China service and…

Of course, Jesus, of course.

He raced back to his desk, pulled up his chair. Tate eyed him warily.

“Did you hear back from that guy who sold Faust that book?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what was it?”

Tate flipped through his notes, slow and methodical, Robert wanted to throw his coffee mug at him.

“It was an original American printing of Jane Austen’s Persuasion. Supposedly it’s only half of the set though, bound in two books or something. Green didn’t understand why Faust was willing to pay so much for it.”

Robert picked up his desk phone, dialed quickly.

“Sugden, what the…”

“Shut up.”

When he heard the man’s voice on the other end he tried to keep himself calm, but he was too close to keep the urgency from his voice.

“Mr. Walsh, it’s DCI Sugden. I need to speak with Beth.”

**********

The first thing Aaron saw when he stepped out of the shower was Robert’s toothbrush nestled beside his. It hit him, a wave of loss, a mourning he’d not experienced before. It pissed him off.

Towel on his hips he picked it up, opened the drawers and grabbed Robert’s razor, his expensive shaving cream and dumped it on the kitchen table. He went to the bedroom next, found a pair of shoes, a tie and one stupid shirt with elbow patches and added to the pile. On a roll now he got the expensive Starbucks coffee Robert insisted on drinking every Sunday morning and chucked it on top.

It was sad really. Two months and that was it. Robert had spent every night here but this was all he’d left. Aaron should have known better.

Next he stripped the bed, shoved it all into the washing machine before he made it up again. When finished he just sat there, the will to get dressed and just keep going sucked out of him. 15 minutes was all it had taken to get Robert out of his place. His heart would not go as smoothly.

He needed to get his head together. He needed to forget and move on, he needed to remember who he was before Robert Sugden had walked into his life.

He needed to go home.

Inspired he dressed, not bothering to pack anything. He still had his bag in the car, forgotten and unused after his eye opening jaunt to Leckmelm. He didn’t need anything else.

He left the door unlocked and the stuff on the table.

Matty was hanging up the phone when Aaron walked in. He knew his friend, knew who he’d probably been on the line with but he let it be.

“Feel better?”

Aaron shrugged at the question. Just went to grab his mobile, keys and wallet from his office. It was still a mess but he couldn’t even look at it, made him feel weak for letting himself sink that far.

“Matty, I’m going home for a few days.”

“You’re going to Emmerdale? Willingly?”

Aaron had to laugh at that. The small village that had made him feel stifled growing up suddenly sounded like heaven.

“Yeah. Could you...would you mind having the TV dealt with while I’m gone?”

“Of course.”

“And I’ll be back in two days to help with your move into Anna’s place.”

“Boss, don’t worry about it.”

“Made you a promise, mate, I don’t break those.”

And Matty, well he was Matty wasn’t he? Just got up from his chair and wrapped Aaron in a quick hug. Aaron let him, he needed it if he was honest.

“Right, well your parents will be chuffed to see you. Maybe stop in and check on my Mum for me?”

Aaron slapped his shoulder.

“Of course. You’ll call if you need me?”

“Obviously.”

They smiled at each other. Aaron had this. He had friends who were there for him, he had a family who he could turn to when things got to be too much. He got to live everyday being true to himself. It’d be okay, eventually, he just had to get there.

He sat in his car, mobile in hand, typed out the message six times before hitting send, tossed it on the seat next to him. He turned on his music as loud as he could stand. 

He promised himself it wasn’t running away, not when you were going back to where you came from.

**A: Out of town for 48 hours. Pick up your stuff or I will dispose of it for you.**

**********

In the end Robert was almost underwhelmed by how quickly they wrapped it all up. They had a search warrant within the hour, descended on Brenda Faust’s home and got everything they needed. They found the book they were looking for, still on the table where Robert had spotted it when they’d done their death notification. They found a gun tucked in the back of her shoe closet. They found the other half of the Austen book set in a glass display case in her office. Eventually they found insurance papers that showed Brenda had owned the incomplete works for over a decade, probably searching for years for that one particular volume to complete the set. Her ex-husband would have known that, and no doubt tried to make her pay handsomely for it.

She sat there during her interview, her solicitor by her side, a cheeky grin on her face. She didn’t answer any questions and Robert was certain with her money and connections there was a probability she’d never serve any time in prison. No jury could hear about Oswald Faust’s sexual fetish and treat him like any other victim, it was just a sad fact. Robert didn’t care, he’d done his part, the rest was the Crown’s problem.

Her alibi wasn’t as air tight as they had originally thought, the restaurant party had been large and a lot of alcohol consumed. When pressed no one could pinpoint when they’d actually seen Brenda leave. Robert blamed himself for not looking into the matter further. He hadn’t thought her capable, and he knew better than to ever assume.

They had a gun, they had Oswald’s fingerprints on the old musky book and they had a motive. It was done.

He’d walked out of the interview room, checked his phone and saw the text from Aaron. Now Robert was sitting at his desk, ignoring his paperwork and trying to come up with some sort of plan to win Aaron back. That message, it sounded so cold and final. They couldn’t be _that_ over could they? Where was Aaron going? Back to Scotland? The case was solved. Maybe back to the village he grew up in? Was he okay? Maybe he should text Matty and find out.

“Hard to believe isn’t it?”

Tate was offering him a steaming cup, his fourth coffee of the day, and he was grateful.

“That she killed him over a book or that she killed him at all?”

Tate chuckled at the question.

“So him being into dead bodies, she could get passed that? Yet him trying to gouge her for a book to complete a set, that was taking it too far?”

Love was a tricky game, and it came down to choices. Brenda probably couldn’t fault her husband for being attracted to certain things, that was outside his control. He’d blown up both their lives because of it but in an essence, was it really his fault? She probably resented him, hated him even, but she had nowhere to place that blame. The moment he contacted her about the book, knowing she’d pay a pretty penny for it, she finally had her justification.

Or maybe it had just taken her a couple years to get up the nerve.

“We’ve seen people killed for less Tate, I stopped trying to understand the why a long time ago.”

He kept his head down until he could slink away for the night unnoticed, the paperwork would keep until the morning. When pulled up to Aaron’s office he debated just turning around again. Instead he locked his car, punched in his code, probably for the last time, and climbed the stairs. When he walked into the flat he saw the haphazard pile on the kitchen table and pinched his nose. It did nothing to stop the sting of tears threatening to fall.

It wasn’t much, just a few odds and ends, but he felt too weary to even look at it. Instead he stripped off his suit jacket and tie, throwing them with the lot as he toed off his shoes. Pulling out his phone he laid on top of Aaron’s bed, freshly made so it didn’t smell like them, not anymore.

He knew he shouldn’t be there, should just grab his stuff and leave. He should walk away and leave Aaron to his life, it would be the selfless thing to do. It went against everything in him. He’d messed up a lot of things, he’s broken a lot of trust but he wasn’t that man anymore. Aaron had seen that in him, Robert would make him see it again.

He typed out a message of his own, placed his phone carefully on Aaron’s pillow. He curled up, eyes fixed on the screen, waited for a response that never came. He repeated the words in his head as he finally succumbed to sleep.

**R: I’m not giving up on us.**


	6. Chapter Six

Robert woke up to the bed shaking and a very annoyed looking Matty Barton looming over him.

“Seriously?”

Robert blinked and sat up, realizing he must have passed out waiting to hear from Aaron. He rubbed his face and winced at the pitying look in Matty’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, I just…”

Robert didn’t know where to begin and words failed him. He knew he looked like a right wanker, sleeping fully clothed on Aaron’s bed like he had any right to be there.

Thankfully, Matty’s face softened for a brief moment.

“It’s past 8:00, don’t you need to be at work or something?”

Robert just leaned on his knees and put his head in his hands. He needed coffee. He needed a shower. He really needed Aaron. He heard a sigh and felt the bed dip as Matty took a seat down beside him.

“Look, Robert, I’ve known Aaron my whole life. Technically we’re cousins since his uncle married my Mum. Though God help me, does that make me a Dingle?”

Robert looked at him, confused where all this was going.

“Right, nevermind that. When it comes to Aaron, he’s got a stubborn streak and he needs time to sort things through. So if I am to assume correctly that you want him back…”

Robert narrowed his eyes then as if the question offended him greatly because honestly, it did.

“So then you need to give him space. On the other hand, you can’t give up. You can’t let him walk away. I don’t know what you did...is it that bad?”

“Lied to him? Betrayed his trust? Made him feel unwanted? Take your pick.”

Matty just closed his eyes, looked at the ground.

“When it comes to Aaron, well there isn’t much worse you can do. I like you Robert, and I like how happy you made him. So try, yeah?”

Matty got up then, made for the door.

“I won’t tell Aaron about this, not if you get your stuff and get out.”

“Thanks, Matty.”

He got a sad smile and he thought for a moment he might have someone on his side, at least a little.

“Don’t thank me, because if you can’t fix this and you can’t make Aaron happy I ain’t got time for you. He’s my best mate.”

For the first time, Robert saw Matty’s usually jovial face get hard. He respected it, though the prospect of it made him weary. He was tired of being the bad guy, even if this time it felt warranted.

He waited until Matty left before he took one last look around. He pocketed his mobile and bent to straighten the sheets before he stopped himself. He wanted Aaron to see the dent of his head in the pillow and know Robert had been there. He needed Aaron to know that he meant what he texted. He wasn’t giving up.

He pulled out his phone again and typed up another message. Then he gathered his things and made for the door. 

**R: Come home to me and let me make it right. Please.**

*********

Aaron has gotten exactly what he needed the moment he’d seen the Emmerdale sign and his parent’s pub in the distance. Sure he’d moved away the first chance he got; not because he hated it, not really, his dreams just lead him somewhere else.

When he walked into the Woolpack, his mother was behind the bar, deep in conversation with his Uncle Cain. Until she spotted him and let out a shriek of delight. He was suddenly in her arms, smothered in kisses like it had been years since she’d last seen him, rather than weeks. 

“My baby boy, what are you doing here?”

He pinked a little, smiled instead of the usual scowl he gave her when she got like this.

“A son can’t come to see his parents for a few days?”

She eyed him, too smart for her own good sometimes but let it lie while his uncle gave him a pat and she poured him a pint. He spent the rest of the evening chatting with every villager that came through the door. He had been the hooligan who caused trouble, then the victim they’d wanted to shield until finally, he was the Aaron Dingle they could be proud of. Maybe he shouldn’t relish in it as much as he did, but hard-fought victories were just that. He did wish, however, his Mum hadn’t framed the newspaper article about the Jacobson case and stuck it by the bogs. 

Still, his Mum eyed him and he knew the moment she got him alone he was in for it. 

“The prodigal son returns!”

Aaron shook his head as his step-father, Paddy, poked at him, his face that ridiculous grin of love and eternal silliness that Aaron used to loathe. Now he just let himself be hugged too tight and sunk into it a little.

“Hiya, Pads.”

Paddy tilted his head and Aaron silently chastised himself, his step-father could clearly see something was up. Thankfully he winked at him in an obvious way and stole a chip from Aaron’s plate before heading in the back of the pub. Probably to whisper with Aaron’s Mum about why their son was home and how to get it out of him.

He’d honestly looked forward to bringing Robert here one day. Aaron had never really done the whole “introduce your boyfriend to your parents” thing. There was that one time Paddy had walked in on him getting a blow job from Finn Barton after too many pints when he was 20, though he was certain that didn’t count. Finn had never been his boyfriend, regardless of what the guy had thought after having Aaron’s dick in his mouth. God, Matty has given him shit for years about that.

Robert would have liked it here, would have teased Aaron that everyone knew him. Probably would have charmed all the ladies in town with his beautiful face and easy way. He would have looped his arm around Aaron’s shoulder in a booth, the way he always did, acting like being together was all he wanted. Like being in each other’s orbit was the only thing that mattered.

Had that been a lie too?

He wanted to believe that it had been, everything was muddled in his head, in his heart. It would be easier to wash it all away. It had been easier last night when the anger was still pulsing through him. Now he just ached and it hadn’t even been 24 hours yet. 

He understood Robert not telling his family. Coming out was one of the hardest things Aaron had ever done. Robert has never acted ashamed in public, always willing to show affection, to touch Aaron and let it be known they were together. So why did Robert keep the truth about his family from him? He’d felt so ridiculous standing there after pouring out his heart out. Aaron let himself be vulnerable in the first time in years and it felt like it got thrown back in his face.

He just needed some time to wrap his head around it. It’s why he was home, after all, hit the reset button before moving on with his life.

He ate with his parents, watched the looks they gave each other though neither of them said anything. They talked about his work, about Matty, the latest Dingle drama and even the weather. No one broached the subject of that lad Matty had been teasing Aaron about the last time they were all together. Didn’t talk about how his Mum had wanted to invite him to dinner, how Paddy had wanted to make sure he was good enough for his son. Once again, he was grateful his parents knew him. Knew he’d talk when he was ready.

He was laying on his bed, his room the same as ever, a time capsule to being a teenager. He still had a GQ magazine that was 8 years old shoved under his mattress. He debated pulling it out and actually reading the articles. Then his phone beeped and he saw Robert’s words.

_I’m not giving up on us._

He turned off his phone completely, unable to face the leap of his heart at the words, that part of him that wanted Robert to mean it.

**********

“And he’s looking at his phone again.”

Robert shot his head up as Tate’s voice pulled him from the fog. Aaron should be back today and he had been hopeful he’d get a call or a text, something. He hadn’t, at least not yet.

The last day and a half had been like a slow death. He missed him. He had a newfound hatred for his apartment and it’s Aaron-less bed. He hated his sofa, it wasn’t comfortable, it didn’t feel right. He went to his local and couldn’t even finish his greasy meal. It had nothing on the food from Homestead. What he wouldn’t give for a pint and a burger, Aaron nestled into his side.

He wouldn’t let himself think about the other things he missed. The laughter, that smile, the way Aaron’s eyes got impossibly blue with pleasure when Robert hovered above him, lost in each other. He missed the feeling of being right where he was supposed to be. Comfortable in his skin for the first time that he could ever remember.

With the prospect of Aaron back in the city, he was a nervous wreck. He’d spent most of his day doing paperwork and occasionally staring at his phone, willing it to light up with a text or a call. He hadn’t attempted to contact Aaron again since yesterday morning. It was taking all his willpower not to just phone him and keep phoning until the stubborn idiot picked up.

Robert had sort of been waiting for Tate to leave, it was late and he didn’t really feel like going back home to his empty flat. He didn’t have anywhere else to go, his lack of friends was kind of a harsh fact in the light of all this. Robert wasn’t one to talk about his feelings but right now he didn’t know what to do.

“What are you on about?”

“You. If you aren’t staring at your phone like a lost puppy then you’re snapping at me for the way I tap my pen.”

“Tate, how you tap your pen is annoying.”

“I know, that’s why I do it.”

Robert chuckled, the first time in two days. Fuck it.

“You want to get a pint?”

*********

Aaron had left his phone off for the remainder of his time in Emmerdale. If Matty did need him, he knew how to contact him. Instead, he let his Mum make him breakfast and fuss. The family had heard he was home so everyone was expected at the pub that night. It wasn’t what Aaron wanted but it’d keep him out of his own head. Both his parents had to work so he killed some time before deciding to take a walk to Moira and Cain’s farm, maybe give his aunt a hand.

She was more than happy to have him, so he fed some cows and threw a stick for one of the dogs. It was peaceful, the sun shining but not too hot thanks to the breeze. There was mindlessness to it all.

Maybe he should get a dog. Aaron had always wanted one, but with his hours as a cop, it hadn’t seemed right. Then his life imploded and the last thing he’d been thinking about was something else to take care of.

Now he made his own hours. A dog he could take on his morning runs and the occasional stakeout. No one looked twice at someone walking their dog late at night. Yet a dog needed space and Aaron’s apartment was small. When he’d purchased the building he’d had the apartment renovated but always had plans to expand into the rest of the upper floor. There was enough room to add another bedroom and bath, make the living room larger. He could finally have a spot to stick Liv when she stayed over. Maybe a home gym? He could even do something with the roof, maybe a deck where he could barbecue. Make it a safe space for a dog to run around. 

Aaron wondered what Robert thought about dogs and instantly his good mood was gone. He let Moira order him around for another hour before he headed back the pub to shower. He had some time to kill before the Dingles would descend so he grabbed his tablet and shot an email to his contractor, inquired into getting an estimate on renovations, a timeline. After he started looking into outdoor furniture and researching breeds of dogs. He was so engrossed he didn’t notice Paddy come up behind him and peer over his shoulder.

“It’s worse than I thought.”

Aaron jumped and scowled when his step-father laughed.

“Sorry, Son. I couldn’t resist. What are you looking at?”

“Thinking about getting a dog, expanding my apartment, maybe putting on a rooftop deck.”

Paddy hummed at him as he sat on the sofa, knees together, eyes like lasers on Aaron. This was never good.

“So either things with the guy are going great or they’re going horrible.”

What was it with parents? How did they always know this shit?

“Paddy…”

“Because if things are going well then you’re making plans and that’s wonderful. However, if they aren’t, you’re doing what you always do when things get hard. Finding a tangible problem and fixing it to distract yourself.”

Aaron just blinked, because Paddy was right. That was exactly what he was doing.

“So do you want to talk about it?”

Aaron sighed. Did he want to talk about it? No. He didn’t want to have to think about it all. Avoidance wouldn’t get him anywhere, he’d just wanted a break from his own mind and doubts.

“We broke up. He kept some things from me.”

“Okay, and these are things that you can’t get past?”

Paddy’s question surprised him. He had expected his step-father to instantly be on his side, tell him good riddance.

“I don’t know, it was unexpected and I feel…”

“Betrayed.”

Aaron leaned forward, rubbed his face.

“Stupid is a better word for it. I think I overreacted but at the same time…”

Paddy stayed silent.

“I thought it was me, that I was seeing things that weren’t there. Sabotaging it. Being happy like that, I’ve never felt this way before.”

“You love him.”

It wasn’t a question but Aaron’s throat got thick. He didn’t trust his voice. He just looked at the floor instead.

“Does he love you?”

“He says he does.”

His step-father’s hand was warm and heavy on his shoulder.

“It’s okay to be scared, Aaron. Letting someone in like that, well you’re guarded and that’s who you are. There is nothing wrong with that. I’m sorry he hurt you. Want me to go rough him up?”

He was surprised by his own laugh, half choked on it. He let Paddy strong-arm him into a half hug, pulled into the big man, the first one Aaron ever truly trusted.

“Son, you know yourself, you always have. You’ve just got to start trusting yourself more. I know it’s because…”

Yeah, it was. He hated that it always came back to that, to Gordon. He just wanted one thing in his life that wasn’t tainted by who he’d become because of his father. 

“You didn’t make a wrong choice Aaron, you weren’t given one. Don’t confuse the two.”

Aaron took a deep breath, his mind maybe even more mixed up then it had been before.

“And love is scary. Your mother terrifies me daily, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Speaking of which we should probably head out front before she comes looking for us. If you’re not up for it…”

“Please, like I need to be getting on Mum’s bad side.”

So he sat and had a pint with his family, laughed and joked, tucked Robert into a small part of his brain and his heart. 

It wasn’t until he’d kissed his mother goodbye and climbed into his car the next morning that he finally turned his mobile back on. There was a text from Matty letting him know he could bail on the move if he needed, a voicemail from his contractor wanting to set up a meeting and words from Robert that made him rethink everything.

_Come home to me…_

God help him, he wanted to.

***********

“Man, I still can’t get over you and the Wonder PI.”

Robert had learned much about Joseph Tate in the two hours they’d spent over their pints and conversation. He was a surprisingly good listener, he had horrible taste in music and he had an obvious man crush on the love of Robert’s life.

Tate has insisted on going to his local, somewhat of a dive, nestled in between an alleyway and a car park. Still it was clean and the man behind the bar welcomed Tate by name.

Drink in hand Robert has blurted it all out, how he’d messed up, how he wanted to make it right. Tate, however, couldn’t get past the fact that Robert had snagged the celebrity of their law enforcement world. 

“You know some people would consider me a catch.”

Joe snorted into his glass and Robert gave him a half-hearted glare. The man had listened to him pour his heart out. He owed him big, he’d take the dig and anything else thrown his way

“So what are you going to do, Sugden? Are you above begging?”

It took Robert a moment to realize Tate was serious.

“Not if I thought it would help at all.”

“I’m no relationship expert but we know two things of vital importance.”

“What’s that?”

“One, I’m your best mate, which is a sad fact.”

Robert couldn’t help but laugh. Even in jest, it made him feel good. He hadn’t had anyone he called his “best mate” since Andy, obviously, that hadn’t turned out well.

“Second, the guy loves you. Sure you messed up but everyone does. If this Matty is right he just needs some time. Seriously, _mate_ , it’ll work out.”

Robert slumped his shoulders, but he was grateful nonetheless. 

“Thanks, Tate.”

“Anytime, especially if you’re buying. Now, does Dingle have any hot single female friends who have a cop kink?”

********

“You need more stuff, mate.”

Aaron surveyed from his spot on Anna’s sofa, well Anna and Matty’s sofa, at the lack of boxes. 

“Well, we had a lot of the same stuff.”

Aaron took in Anna’s laugh as she handed him a beer. 

“What Matty means is that I had the nicer stuff.”

Matty took the beer Anna offered him and pulled her so she was sprawled on him in the easy chair. She elbowed him until he let go, sliding instead on the floor and leaning against Matty’s legs.

The move had taken one run of both their vehicles and a bit of swearing when Aaron realized the lift was out and he had to carry shit up three flights. Still, he was being paid back in pizza and beer, so all was well.

He was happy for his friends, truly. At the pace they were going Aaron would be stuffed into a suit standing at the altar beside a nervous Matty before the year was out. He watched Anna nudge Matty sharply and then look pointed at Aaron.

“So what’s new, Aaron?”

She smiled knowingly. Brat.

“If this is about Robert…”

“Did I say anything about, Robert?”

Matty rolled his eyes, tried to run interference.

“Anna.”

“Well you should tell him, that’s just my opinion.”

Aaron was completely lost, and he hated that feeling.

“Tell me what?”

Matty looked uncomfortable and Anna looked, damn, she looked triumphant.

“Tell me what, Matty?”

“I found Robert in your place yesterday morning. He fell asleep on your bed. He’s a wreck, Aaron.”

Aaron closed his eyes, tried to take that in. What the hell was he supposed to do with it?

“Aaron?”

He felt Anna’s hand on his knee, a motherly squeeze of her hand before she pulled away.

“You can talk to us if you want.”

He looked at them, supportive eyes and willing ears. He opened his mouth when the ring of his mobile stopped him. He grabbed it off the table, confused when he saw DCI Tate on the caller display. He forgot he even had his number in his phone, entered during the McConnell case and never used.

“Dingle.”

“Aaron, it’s DCI Tate, Robert’s partner. You need to get to Victoria Central Hospital. Robert’s been shot. He’s in surgery but it’s bad, it’s really bad.”

Everything in Aaron went cold, he suddenly couldn’t breathe.

“Aaron? Are you there?”

It was Anna’s hand on his knee again that grounded him, got him to speak.

“I’m coming.”

**********

Aaron couldn’t tell you how he got to the hospital. Anna and Matty had rushed around, shoved Aaron into the car but he couldn’t remember the drive at all. He just kept telling himself it would be okay, Robert would be okay. They would be okay. Tate was waiting for them out front, his shirt had blood on it and Aaron was almost certain he was going to be sick. That was Robert’s blood, his Robert.

Tate was talking to him, something was said about “lost him twice” and “we don’t know who the shooter was” but it was white noise. Aaron needed to see him, he needed to touch him.

_Come home to me…_

Then they sat in hard plastic chairs, Tate checked for an update and Anna rubbed Aaron’s back as he buried his face in his hands. He realized he was shaking, he couldn’t stop shaking. He’d overreacted, he’d known that. They could have talked it out. They should have talked it out. He’d been hurt and he lashed out and now he regretted it. He didn’t believe in a God, in a higher power of any kind, but he prayed all the same.

_Don’t take him from me. Please, don’t take him from me._

“Nothing new to report.”

“What happened?”

Matty asked the question Aaron hadn’t even thought about yet. Who cared how they got here, they were here, and it was hell. Tate eyed up Matty and Anna but looked directly at Aaron as he answered.

“I don’t know. We were out at a pub, having a pint. He went outside to make a call. I heard the shot and found him in the alley bleeding out. No shooter in sight. We’re on it. We’ll find whoever did this to him, Dingle, we will.”

Aaron met his eyes, and it was clear he knew. Tate knew who Aaron was to Robert, he knew what Robert meant to Aaron. 

_Come home to me…_

There was a commotion and Aaron saw Robert’s sister, Victoria, sobbing into her hands as one man held her up and the other demanded answers from the nursing station. His family had arrived.

“We need to go.”

Matty looked at him confused.

“His family is here. They don’t know about me, about us. They don’t know that Robert’s...”

Anna just rubbed his back. He didn’t dare look at his friends, sure they had opinions that didn’t matter right now. Only Robert mattered. If Robert didn’t want his family to know then Aaron would make sure they wouldn’t, not from him, or anyone else if he could help it.

“It’s okay. We’re just his mates, Aaron, no one will think anything of it.”

Except Aaron was pretty sure someone would. He had no doubt the absolute terror was written all over his face. He couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing. If Robert was here he’d sigh and put his hand on Aaron’s knee, give it a squeeze. He hated Aaron’s nervous habit. He almost broke, felt his throat get impossibly tight, he hadn’t been this scared since he was a child. Not since...

“I need air.”

He ignored everything and everyone until he was in front of the building, pacing back and forth, making promises to the world as long as the man he loved made it through this. He was berating himself, blaming himself for not being there. Robert wouldn’t have been at that pub if Aaron had just listened, hadn’t jumped to the worse conclusions. So worried about being hurt, of losing Robert and now he was going to lose him, for good.

“Dingle?”

DCI Tate was standing there but all Aaron could see was the drops of blood on his white button down, the smear across the thigh of his pants. Suddenly unable to stay upright he pressed his back to the cement wall, let himself slide to a crouch. Tried to breathe. He knew it made him look weak, he didn’t care.

He looked up at DCI Tate, took in his face for the first time. He looked scared, they all were but there was something else in his eyes, hard determination.

“He’s a mess without you. You’re all he talked about when I found him in the alley. He loves you. You need to know that, whatever happens.”

Aaron knew, he’d always known, but hearing it from someone else’s lips was like a smack to the face. He didn’t deserve it, not after how he’d acted.

“I overreacted. I didn’t let him explain and he’s going to die thinking I hate him.”

Tate leaned beside Aaron on the wall, two men who had one thing in common, the man fighting for his life.

“He knew he messed up, he understood why you were upset. He just wanted to make it up to you. And he will. He’s a stubborn git, what’s a bullet against Robert Sugden?”

Aaron stood up, leaned his head back, tried to bite back the tears and failed. He choked on them when he laughed.

“God, he’s such an idiot.”

“Yeah, he said that too.”

Aaron gave Tate a watery half-smile, surprisingly unashamed at the man seeing him so emotional. He didn’t have the ability to keep it all together anyway.

“Aaron!”

Matty was rushing towards them.

“He’s out of surgery. He’s not entirely out of the woods but they’re optimistic.”

_Come home to me..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more to go.


	7. Chapter Seven

“You sure you’re okay on your own?”

Aaron just nodded at Anna, he wasn’t going to tell them again, he needed to be alone. He didn’t have the energy for other people, not right now. Besides tonight was supposed to be Matty and Anna’s first night living together; hopefully they could still salvage some of it.

They hadn’t wanted to leave the hospital; Aaron had insisted that once they knew Robert was out of the woods they head home. Tate had promised to get him word if anything changed and that had to be enough, for now. He didn’t want Robert’s family getting suspicious about his presence or his emotional state. He didn’t want to field questions that weren’t his to answer.

He climbed out of the car, knew Matty wouldn’t drive away until he was safely inside. The lights were all off. He didn’t bother with them. He knew the journey.

It wasn’t until he got to his bedroom, the moon illuminating the bed that it hit him, what he’d almost lost for good. He ran his hand over the indent on Robert’s pillow, evidence of the night he’d spent there alone. He picked it up, brought it his face, convinced himself he could still smell cologne, the expensive mix of spice and heat that was all Robert Sugden.

He didn’t bother undressing, just slid into the bed on Robert’s side and curled himself around the phantom sense memory and wished he could do everything all over again.

**********

Victoria Sugden really loved her husband but she needed him to stop worrying about her.

“Ellis, I’m fine, the baby is fine. We’re fine. Go get a coffee or something.”

For once he listened.

It was day two of sitting by Robert’s bedside. He had yet to wake but he was off the ventilator and his vitals were good. Of course, Victoria was worried but the Sugdens were made of strong stuff. She rubbed her belly and smiled; she felt good about it. It wasn’t ideal that her brother had been shot but even the doctors had said how lucky he had been. Clean shot, through and through, missed all major arteries and his heart. Broken ribs and a pierced lung, it was the blood loss that almost killed him.

Andy had to go back to the farm and his kids; Vic refused to go anywhere beyond a shower and a kip at Robert’s flat, not until he woke up. Then she could give him a piece of her mind.

First, she wanted to know what kind of life her brother was leading. Two days in hospital and the only people who had come to see him had been his partner, and attractive but somewhat solemn DCI Joseph Tate and their boss, a DSU White who honestly scared Victoria a little. She had nothing against strong women, she liked to consider herself one, but this woman had sharp eyes and a spine of steel. She looked at Victoria like she was looking through her instead of at her.

There had been some people before, but Victoria had been an absolute mess, she hadn’t taken them in. A sweet looking girl had smiled at her when they’d gotten the news that Robert was out of surgery and the prospect was good. Vic had thought she’d even seen PI Aaron Dingle but maybe she’d imagined that.

At least until DCI Tate had requested that Mr. Dingle be given the right to phone updates should he call and ask for some from the hospital. She thought it slightly odd, why not come visit?

She assumed people were just giving Robert and his family space. Her brother was a charmer, always had been, but he was married to his work, or so he always said.

She hated that she didn’t know much about Robert’s life but he was a lot older than her. Add in the family drama he seemed to always be in the middle of and well, she didn’t blame him for being secretive.

But he was always there for her, always had been, especially after their father died. Their Dad and Robert hadn’t been on good terms then, reasons that she knew went beyond Katie. No there had always been something, a black cloud over their relationship that she had never understood. Even as a teenager she’d seen it but her questions always went unanswered.

Still, Robert had insisted on helping Vic through culinary school, insisted on helping pay for her wedding and had just a few days earlier handed her some money to help set up the nursery. Her brother might be a bit of a mystery but his heart was kind, she never doubted that.

Now that she’d almost lost him she wanted to understand, she just didn’t know what to ask.

He looked young and peaceful, like he didn’t have an IV in his arm and machines hooked up to him mysteriously medical ways. He’d hate when he came to and realized the state his hair was in. A vain one for sure, according to her friends he had every right to be. Maybe she could set him up, everyone needed someone to come home to. Someone to love them, to know them. It hurt that Robert had never seemed to have had that.

Instinctively she leaned forward and placed her hand over his, squeezed his fingers so he’d know she was there, that he wasn’t alone. Her heart leapt when she felt him squeeze back.

“Rob?”

He blinked a few times, groaned a little and she was on her feet, grabbing for the water close at hand. A nurse had told her he’d be thirsty when he woke and she’d been right. He sucked it back through the straw and Vic pressed the call button. She wiped at his mouth with a cloth and touched his face. He was going to be okay.

“Hey there big brother, you gave us a right fright.”

His eyes darted around, looked passed her.

“Aaron?”

She hadn’t heard him right surely.

“Aaron, I need Aaron.”

He coughed a bit and a nurse came in, moved Vic aside so she could check him over. He was groggy, and clearly in pain as the nurse spoke in hushed tones.

Aaron, as in Aaron Dingle?

She didn’t think about it again until the doctor came and went, happy with Robert’s progress. Her brother didn’t say much, just grunted his responses before falling into a drug-fueled sleep again. Ellis came back with his coffee and a tea for her which she sipped as she filled him in on Robert waking up, and his request.

He just raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything.

“What?”

“Well, he’s always been secretive…”

“He’s not gay, he slept with half the women in our village before he left.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s straight though does it?”

She looked over at Robert and her heart ached a little. Would he keep that from her? From all of them? Suddenly things seemed a little bit clearer. She pulled out her phone, did a quick Google search and pressed it to her ear.

“AD Investigations, Matty speaking.”

“Hi, I’m hoping to speak with Mr. Dingle.”

There was an audible sigh of annoyance that got Vic’s back up.

“I’m sorry but Mr. Dingle isn’t available at the moment, family emergency, can I take a message?”

Yes, things were getting much clearer.

“I’m Victoria Chapman, Robert Sugden’s sister. He’s woken up and is asking for….”

“Can I put you on hold for one moment? I’ll transfer you right away.”

Vic looked at Ellis and nodded.

“Mrs. Chapman, Aaron Dingle. He’s awake? He’s okay?”

The genuine fear in that gruff voice made Victoria want to laugh, cry.

“Victoria, please. Yes, he woke up just a while ago but he’s resting again for now. He asked for you. Will you….would you come?”

She held her breath, she wasn’t sure why.

“I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you, Mr. Dingle.”

“Aaron, and no, Victoria thank you.”

They didn’t have to wait long, if Victoria had to guess Aaron had broken a few laws in his rush to get there. He stood at the doorway to the room, hands in his jean pockets, and he looked a wreck. He was still a handsome man, but his eyes were red, his skin pale. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

Ellis rose first, offered Aaron his hand as Vic struggled to her feet. She still had 6 weeks to go but this baby was big.

“Please don’t get up.”

Kind words but Aaron wasn’t looking at her, his eyes firmly trained on Robert, moving over him quickly, making sure all the pieces were in place.

“Ellis and I were just going to get something to eat. Do you mind sitting with him for a while? Giving us a break?”

Her heart went out to the man as he nodded emphatically. She grabbed Ellis’s hand, smiled as they headed out the door. They took a few steps out of the room before she stopped and turned back. Aaron was leaning over the bed, pressing a kiss to Robert’s forehead before running his fingers through blond hair.

Crystal clear. Oh, Robert, you daft idiot.

She squeezed Ellis’s hand and hoped the cafeteria had burgers; she was craving one.

**********

Robert woke again to that hum he loved and fingers combing through his hair. He blinked his eyes open, tried to focus on the face suddenly hovering above his own.

“Hey.”

He felt tears prickle his eyes. Aaron was here.

“Hey.”

He just took in that face. Aaron was here and he was alive, what more could a man want?

“You look like shite, Dingle.”

Aaron’s soft laugh was music.

“No one has given you a mirror then, Sugden?”

Robert chuckled and then groaned, that hurt.

“Jesus, you okay. Should I get a nurse?”

Robert shook his head and reached his hand out to cup Aaron’s face.

“I’m so sorry, Aaron.”

Aaron covered Robert’s hand with his own, slid their fingers together and locked them in place.

“I am too, and I was going to call you if you hadn’t gotten yourself shot.”

“Don’t joke, we need to talk about it.”

Aaron sighed, pulled away to sit on the edge of Robert’s bed, their hands still intertwined.

“And we will, but right now let’s just focus on you getting well.”

Robert could work with that.

“I love you.”

“I know, and I love you too. I think your sister might know something is up, between us, I didn’t say anything…”

“It’s fine. I’m pretty sure asking for you as soon as I opened my eyes was a good hint.”

It was more than fine, because Aaron wasn’t going anywhere, especially not when he was looking at Rob with that sweet expression. Robert was going to make sure of it. Either his family understood and respected that, or he moved on without them. He was tired of living a half life and he wanted his brother and sister to know him, to know who he is, with Aaron. It wasn’t on Robert if they didn’t like it. It would hurt, but it was time.

“Robert you don’t have to…”

“Kiss me.”

He tugged on Aaron’s hand weakly and was rewarded with a gentle but lingering press of lips. If he’d had the strength he wouldn’t have let Aaron pull away. Instead he settled for Aaron casually running fingers over the back of his hand, let himself be soothed by it.

“Well, that’s one way to make up.”

Robert flitted his eyes over to see Tate standing there, a relieved smile on his face.

“Hi, Tate.”

Aaron moved off the bed and Robert missed him instantly. He watched Aaron take a chair too far away. He huffed and held out his hand, Aaron just looked at him, confused. Robert flexed his fingers until Aaron pulled the chair closer and linked their fingers again. He’d been shot, he was allowed to be demanding.

He looked back at Tate and winked.

“So not only am I your best mate but I also saved your life. I’m never paying for a pint again.”

“Agreed.”

Aaron’s fingers tightened in his, and he squeezed back. He was alive, they both needed reminding of it.

“A uniform will be down when you're ready to take a statement. What do you remember, if anything?”

It was all foggy in his brain, probably just the drugs but there was something he couldn’t place.

“I remember leaving the pub, I think I was looking at my phone. I was going to call Aaron. I thought I heard my name and when I turned I was hit. It all gets hazy after that.”

“You didn’t see anyone? Do you remember the voice, the one that said your name?”

“Vaguely. It was a male voice. It might not even have been my name, it’s not very clear.”

He was frustrated because it was floating in his mind, like a moving picture he couldn’t get to play in sequence.

“Was there anything on the scene?”

He was a cop, he knew all hands would be on his shooting. There were some perks.

“No witnesses aside from you, no shell casings. The bullet went right through you and lodged into a brick wall. It’s too mangled for anything usable. “

“Do you think he was targeted? Should he have protection?” Aaron was rubbing their thumbs together, soft against the harsh reality of the words.

“We’ve had plain clothes watching his room this whole time. You’re both off your game.”

A cough from the doorway made Tate turn, revealing Ellis and Vic standing there awkwardly. His brother in law was all smiles but his sister, her eyes were locked on his hand wrapped around Aaron’s. Her expression was unreadable and his breath left him, still he held fast as Aaron tried to pull away again.

Now or never.

Tate, thankfully, read the room for a change and made a quick exit. Something was said about a formal questioning the next day. Robert didn’t take it in, he just searched Victoria’s face until she met his eyes. She tilted her head at him, face soft and he saw it, the understanding.

“Vic, Ellis, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend Aaron Dingle.”

She laughed, his sister actually laughed, and launched herself at him, pressed her smiling face into his neck. Robert finally let go of Aaron’s hand to hug her back as best he could. It hurt but it was worth it.

“One question though mate.”

Victoria pulled back to look at her husband, Robert glanced at Aaron, saw the defiant jut of his chin. He just nodded at Ellis, braced himself.

“Can I please be there when you tell Andy? His face is gonna be priceless.”

***********

It was days later, the ward quiet for a change, the door between them and the outside world shut for a little while. Victoria had finally been convinced to head home, put her feet up and wait for her baby to make an appearance. She trusted Aaron had Robert and his well-being in hand. Aaron liked Robert’s sister, a lot. She adored her brother and Aaron caught her giving him glowing smiles, bringing him coffee and fussing over Aaron as much as Robert.

It had been a bit of a shock to find out Robert had a brother, adopted and their relationship obviously strained. Aaron had left them alone when Andy had finally visited, taking his children for a hot chocolate in the cafeteria. They had seemed stunned by him, the girl Sarah wide-eyed and shy. Jack, her younger brother, asked way too many questions about murder and “bad guys”, which Aaron attempted to answer as best he could without traumatizing the boy.

He gave the brothers as much time as he dared, until the kids were restless and Aaron didn’t think he could ply them with any more sugar. Back in the room Andy had nodded at him but made an abrupt exit, but not before Jack hugged Robert and a surprised Aaron.

Now they were sitting there, Robert seemed a little raw and Aaron didn’t want to push, but not talking is what had gotten them here to begin with.

“You okay?”

Aaron tried to keep his voice gentle, understanding. He couldn’t read his boyfriend right now and it worried him. Robert moved his bed up, sitting tall but Aaron saw him wince. Another thing he had learned in the last few days was that Robert liked to push himself to hard.

“He took it well, as well as could be expected anyway. Especially given our history.”

Aaron just nodded. They said they would talk about it but he didn’t mean now, not while Robert was still on pain medication and hooked up to machines.

“I need you to know I’m not the man I was Aaron, not at all.”

Robert looked at him then, eyes wide and a bit frightened. It broke Aaron’s heart a little. Could it all be that bad? He pulled his chair closer still, laid his hand on Robert’s thigh. Let him know he was there and he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Andy was my best mate as a kid, thick as thieves. Then my Dad and Mum adopted him and suddenly we were at war all the time. He could never do anything wrong, and I could never do anything right. At least not in our father’s eyes. Then came Katie.”

Aaron had heard the name, Jack had said something about “when Katie left the farm” but he’d thought nothing of it.

“She was with Andy, but her and I...we just kind of happened. I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. Or so I thought. When my family found out about us, it didn’t go well.”

Robert was silent after that, lost in thought. Aaron squeezed his leg, needed him to keep going, let it out.

“I cheated on her, more times than I care to remember. I’m not proud of that. She found out and went running back to Andy. I was more of an embarrassment than ever to my family.”

“If this is too much…”

“No, I can get it out, I need to get it out. So Andy and I, well we hated each other, no other way to put it. It ended up with us playing chicken on a dirt road. Andy crashed and his friend, Max King, was in the car with him. I tried to pull him out but I couldn’t save them both. Andy lived, Max died and my father banished me. “

Aaron saw the unshed tears in Robert’s eyes and it twisted something in him.

“Shove over.”

“You what?”

But Robert was already shuffling so Aaron could climb in the bed beside him. It took some working, wires to avoid and Robert’s side where the bullet had hit him was stiff, sore. Finally, they ended up with Aaron’s arm around him, a warm face pressed into his neck. He let his fingers run through Robert’s hair, tried to give comfort in some way.

“I left, got my act together, became a cop. Made it to DCI before I even spoke with my father again. He summoned me to see him after I was promoted. I thought he’d be proud, I thought he’d be happy for me. He just wanted to know if I’d finally gotten over “my problem” of being bisexual and therefore could be trusted back into the family.”

Aaron had the overwhelming urge to punch something, but instead he just rubbed his fingers across Robert’s temple, kept his touch light.

“When did you tell him?”

“He caught me kissing a boy in our barn when I was 15. He gave me the thrashing of my life that day and we never talked about it again.”

“Christ…”

“I wasn’t going to let him make me feel guilty about who I was anymore. I had a career, I was a decorated officer but to him I was a black spot on his reputation. We screamed at each other and I stormed out. He had a heart attack a few days later.”

Aaron felt Robert press his face even further into his shoulder and hold on. They stayed like that a while, until Aaron was almost certain Robert had fallen asleep.

“Robert, I’m so sorry. He was wrong, you know that right?”

“Now yes, but that’s why I kept it from my family, only my father knew. That’s why I lied to you about my sister being in town. I wanted to tell them about us but I didn’t want to lose them, I didn’t want to lose you either.”

“Babe, it’s okay, I understand.”

Robert pulled back to look at him.

“I mean it. Yes, I was hurt, I can’t deny that, but I’d just told you how I felt about you and you pulled away…”

“I’m sorry, Aaron, truly.”

“I don’t let people in Robert, I don’t let anyone close. I fell in love with you and that scared me, it still does if I’m honest. I was looking for a reason to bolt.”

“And now?

“Now I’m going to do my best to talk it out. We need to tell each other things if we want this to work, yeah?”

Robert didn’t respond, just lifted his face to press a kiss to Aaron’s lips, rub their noses together. It wasn’t everything, but it was enough, for now.

 

**********

Aaron was going to kill him, honest to God murder him if he said another word.

“We’re not having this argument again, Robert. Your doctors said no strenuous activity for another 3 weeks. You’ve hardly been out of the hospital for a few hours as it is.”

They had barely been able to get Robert to stay for the 10 days the doctors had felt was best. Meanwhile, Robert was refusing the drugs, didn’t like how muddy he said they made him feel. Then he’d complained that they weren’t going home to Aaron’s place. He may be stubborn but even Robert had to admit the stairs would be an issue. Didn’t stop him from complaining about it though.

He grumbled and moaned until Aaron got him into his bed, Robert instantly realizing something was different. So maybe Aaron had taken pity on him and bought Robert a mattress just like the one Aaron had at home. It was as much for himself as Robert, he’d be staying there taking care of the whiner. Robert had been delighted and had pulled Aaron down beside him, leading to them making out like teenagers, truly alone for the first time in too long.

That is until Robert made a play for Aaron’s zipper and he’d regretfully batted those hands away. He was just following doctor’s orders, it’s not like Aaron was enjoying this either. He just wasn’t pouting about it, unlike Robert.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll pop out and get take away from Homestead, double order of chips.”

Robert beamed at him, he was so predictable, then again they were good chips.

“I love you.”

Robert never seemed to tire of saying it now, Aaron wasn’t sure he’d ever tire of saying it back.

“I love you too.”

“Just remember who said it first.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed. Aaron had made the mistake one night in the hospital of telling Robert about his sleep filled confession. He’d meant to tease Robert, but instead the man had been ecstatic that he’d actually said the words before Aaron. Like it was some type of competition or something. Idiot.

Robert got quiet, his brow furrowed, Aaron pressed his thumb into the line between his eyes.

“Stop thinking so hard about it.”

“Aaron, someone tried to kill me. What else am I going to think about?”

There was no evidence it was a targeted attack, there were no leads and no one that Robert could think had enough of a grudge to come after him. Tate was looking into some past case files but so far had come up short. It bothered Robert, it scared the life out of Aaron but what could they do? Especially since Robert refused any more protection and kept berating himself that he couldn’t remember more.

“You could rest.”

“Not tired.”

“Read a book? Watch some TV?”

“Not interested. Just kiss me some more.”

“Okay but nothing else.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine.”

Aaron laughed and kissed away the downturn of Robert’s mouth.

**********

He had always been a better shot than that. Sugden had caught him off guard, coming out the side entrance instead of the front of the pub. He’d taken the chance, of course he had, but it didn’t go as planned. It irked him still, the waste of opportunity.

He’d adapt, adjust the timeline. He’d waited too long to let one man get in his way. Robert Sugden was nothing but a distraction, one he might be able to use to his advantage, at least for now.

He was in a good mood, he’d seen Aaron today, had been close enough to touch. He’d hated having to hang back, make sure he wasn’t seen but he’d looked his fill. Getting to finally be so close, it made his heart flutter and his skin tingle. It just proved what he already knew, they were meant to be together.

Soon Aaron Dingle would know it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for coming on this crazy ride with me. And if you haven't guessed yet this is going to be a trilogy. So hopefully you're happy about that.
> 
> Thank you for all the kind words and kudos. They mean the world.


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